Love the Way You Hate Me [Tawnyflare]

Swiftspirit slipped away from camp with an almost relieved sigh. It felt good to be off on her own for a bit, to get away from the noise and bustle of her clanmates, as much as she liked most of them Swiftspirit had found herself just wanting to be alone for a while.

The sun was low in the sky, and Swiftspirit let her thoughts wander for a bit, though she remained on alert for predators that might be lurking around. Nightwind had found another fox in the territory, and Lilacstar had found a weasel apparently. It wouldn't do to be caught off-guard, be that by predator or clanmate, as she had with Nightwind while still an apprentice.

Eleos' pale blue gaze wandered to the mountains in the distance, to where she knew what the clans called Highstones was and the rough stone that lay beyond. Beyond that had been home, once, though Eleos had left it behind long ago. She was a part of Windclan, now... Though some days it still didn't feel like it. Homesickness? Swiftspirit thought the notion was stupid, and did a better job at ignoring it most days. Today though... That tug on her heartstrings seemed sharper, though it had no reason to be. She had friends here, after all, she was liked. Some cats she might even be able to consider family, she knew they considered her family. And yet... Eleos couldn't so easily replace what had been lost. Swiftspirit wanted to, was content to allow that. Yet doing so felt like a betrayal of everything she had once been. It felt like betraying what had once been actual family, even if they were long gone.

A low sigh escaped Swiftspirit, tail twitching in thought. Not quite entirely lost to her own thoughts, her ear flicked at the rustle of grass, and she turned her head towards her approaching clanmate.

Tawnyflare, of course. Swiftspirit offered no words of greeting, merely gave the other former outsider a wary look.

Tawnyflare had not been expecting her former apprentice to be here, and she seemed fixated on the mountains, at that. Narrowing her eyes, it did not take long to figure out what was on the she-cat's mind. And she gave a snort of disgust at the thought.

"If you miss it so much, why don't you go back, Swiftspirit? I am sure you are well aware that you cannot have a paw in two worlds." Although despite her misgivings towards the she-cat, Tawnyflare could find that she could relate. After all, the proof of her own struggles is in the pelt she wears. Despite all that Asylum had done, she could not forget the time it was home, and she had been happy to call it such.

"I know I am a poor excuse of a mentor, but perhaps now would be a good time for a word of advice, since I am in a good mood. Where is your heart, Swiftspirit? Is it in WindClan, or is it where you were before? Wherever it is, put your whole heart into it. A heart split in two can bring nothing but pain."

"You're one to talk having a paw in both worlds, flaunting that fox pelt." Swiftspirit replied evenly. "At least I make the effort to get along with most of my clanmates."

A moment, and Tawnyflare spoke again. Something in her tone had shifted, but Swiftspirit wasn't so sure that her words were really meant to be friendly advice rather than her typical derision.

"Even if I wanted to, which I don't, I couldn't go back anyways. Mom's dead, family's scattered to the winds. I would be... what, an actual loner? No thanks." For a moment she could almost see the white and tortoiseshell tufts of bloodstained fur that she'd had to confront after waking. Mom had been so busy... And then in an instant she was gone. "I've grown to like Windclan more than I thought, and she even told me to join a clan, to find something to be apart of rather than try to eke out a miserable existence fighting for every last scrap of prey or place to sleep."

"It just..." Swiftsprit shrugged. She couldn't quite find a way to vocalize the strange feeling, and she wasn't quite sure why she'd even said so much to Tawnyflare of all cats. Maybe it was simply the fact that they were both outsiders, though Tawnyflare at least had the virtue of being born a Windclanner. Not that she acted like one.

"I have no intention of leaving Windclan, Tawnyflare." She said finally, tail tip twitching.