escapism [o]

It wasn't especially often that the paws of ThunderClan's deputy stepped over the border, having long settled into routine of pausing at the edge. A place that still felt like a starting line, even now that she'd taken her chance to travel at least some small part of the wider world; even now that she'd been returned for some time. Tonight was an exception, though, as she carried on into neutral territory.

The burden of responsibility and seemingly endless worries (there was always something) was weighing her down, and so she carried her paws to the place her life always seemed to come back to. The clearing of Fourtrees, beneath the glittering light of the stars and the claw-shaped crescent of the moon, set against a cloudless sky.

It often felt like she was tethered to this place, as it fate had somehow bound her to the forest and to this clearing in particular.

It was another one of those nights for Kerath. Most of the day passed by like a blur and nothing of importance really caught his attention enough to bring him out of his head. Little by little his woes began to become more prominent in his everyday life. He tried his best to focus solely on his chores and training but it just wasn't enough anymore. He was still struggling a bit to come to terms that everything had changed. He wasn't sure if anyone else had felt something similar but lately, he hadn't had the time to ask.

One of the ways he escaped his cycle of thoughts was to take a stroll in the peaceful, still of the night. It was usually a guarantee that his nerves would be calmed by this. Taking in the scents and basking under the moon's light had been one of his favorite pastimes since the very first days of his apprenticeship. At first, he didn't go farther than the surrounding area near the camp's entrance but as time went by, he stepped paw farther and farther into the territory. Now, he very much enjoys long walks along the clan's borders. The more time it took, the better it was.

Today, however, his paws had led him in an... interesting direction. He didn't know why but after a few minutes of aimlessly strolling about, he had started to head into the direction of the Fourtrees border. By the time he was there, it had been too late to ponder why he did that. He normally didn't head over there unless it was for Gatherings. He didn't know why but when the place was devoid of... anyone, he became extremely hesitant to step foot even near the border. It was odd but the feeling he was currently experiencing was... odder.

Despite how it felt, not much time had passed between him arriving at the border and him staring straight ahead, not budging an inch. The conflict he was having with himself was resolved as he decided on going across and into Fourtrees itself. Being a firm believer in fate, Kestrel decided that he was there for a reason. Since he normally avoided that place, the only answer has got to be that he was meant to go there. It sounded like a stretch the more he thought about it but it didn't hurt to just... look around.

The moment he passed the edges of Fourtrees and laid eyes on the clearing, he finally understood why. The familiar pelt of his mother was just beyond where he stood. She seemed to be as much in her head as he was. For her, it made sense. After becoming the deputy, she had a lot on her shoulders. Countless responsibilities were piled onto her. If there were any cats that deserved a break more, it was both her and Mink. Honestly, having both his parents be such important cats in the clan still felt like a dream to him. It also made him a bit nervous. He didn't know if he could truly follow in their pawsteps... For now, he was content in being... him.

Kestrelpaw hesitated only a few seconds before approaching his mother, making sure she could hear his steps as to not accidentally scare her. "Mother," he called out in a semi-quiet tone, "Are you here to think? Is... Is it alright if I join you?" As he waited for a response, the young tom surveyed the surroundings. Fourtrees had always been so mystical and serene at night, even more now that there was almost nobody here.

The sound of pawsteps and a quiet voice pulled Batbite back to reality, revealing itself to belong to her son, and the contemplative expression on her face shifted into something softer as she turned to nod her head slightly. "In a sense, yes. I suppose I am. Of course, you're always welcome to join me, Kerath."

She liked that it was quiet here, on the nights where the moon wasn't yet full. Most of the time, she found herself alone with her past - and with the history of the forest, all the ways it twined into and diverged from her own - and it was nice, or maybe just necessary, to sit under the light of the moon and stars and feel equal parts small and significant; but it was nice to have company, once in a while, to draw her out of her own head.

Looking up at the Great Rock, she could almost see the ghosts of her history, the cats who had shaped her into the warrior she was now; Leopardstar and Oakstar, their starlit forms hazy and drawn from memory, each looking down at her. They had stood there, atop this symbol of leadership and unity, and long before they had stood at its base, filling the role she held now.

The questions burned in her thoughts, begging to be heard: Were they proud? Was she enough?

She didn't voice any of them, turning instead with a decidedly melancholic sigh. There was no way to tell, and the ghosts of her own memory wouldn't give her any useful answers. "...It's beautiful, isn't it? This place. So many memories here."

They were gone, somewhere beyond her reach, and if they had anything to say she couldn't hear it now. This, though - this moment in time, standing in the newleaf air on a quiet night with her son at her side - this, at least, was real.

"It never changes. Not for long, anyway. I thought I would have grown sick of it, by now... But I suppose even a wandering soul needs something to hold them down," she mused. The laugh that followed was a little bit hollow, a little bit bitter. "I suppose it reminds me why I stay. That's as good an answer as any other, isn't it?"

Much of her own thoughts and wonderings now left to hang in the open air between them, she paused. "That's enough of my own thoughts, I think. So what about you? What brings you out here tonight?"