Changed for the Better [c]

The news of Eris' downfall had arrived just the night before, leaving Mishka awkwardly hovering around Windclan camp, knowing full well that she wasn't at all welcome. Originally, she had planned to run immediately. But she couldn't leave without talking to Lilacstar, or at least trying to. She needed to apologise, first and foremost, but also felt the need to say goodbye to who had been her first friend, even if Mishka's presence had been a little forced.

At least she knew her mind was clearer now.

No more lies. Not from or to other cats, but most importantly not to herself. She had spent far too long like that. Clan life had opened her eyes to the idea of being less... lesser. She would still not leave Asylum, or whatever it was becoming, because she knew that life alone was not one for her. But at least she had the option.

She had been even more jumpy than usual around the warriors whilst she waited for a chance to speak to the leader. Obviously she had been busy with the sudden changes, and the clan had already started to adjust back to their normal way of life, but she could only stay around for so much longer. If not her group might end up leaving without her.

With a deep breath, she padded into the leader's den. "Lilacstar. Can I talk to you?" She nervously waited for the she-cat's reaction. Since Gingertalon's death and the truth about the missing kits coming out, she had been much more hostile to Asylum. Just like they deserved. And Mishka had no right to be there in the first place.

Lilacstar visibly jumped at Mishka's presence, covering her stomach with her tail. Did she know if she was pregnant? She had no clue. But she was trying, and if she did have kits, she did not want them to be in danger. And Asylum definitely qualified as danger. But then again, this was not just any Asylum cat. This was Mishka, and despite her worries, she deserved none of the treatment Lilacstar had given.

So with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, Lilacstar backed up to create more room for the cat who she had once called her friend. "What can I do for you?" Despite her friendly tone, she had yet to let her guard down. She knew the entire truth of what the Asylum had done, and she could not deny that Mishka had been a part of that. Oh how she wished for ignorance once again.

Mishka let out a small sigh of relief when Lilacstar didn't immediately chase her away. This was an alright start, since she had already expected the worst. "I'm just here to say sorry... for everything." Breathe. Breathe. Despite the pelt ward gaining some more confidence recently, she hadn't been completely prepared for just how intimidating this would be. Even though Lilacstar wasn't her leader, she was a leader nonetheless. "I know that none of this makes up for Asylum's actions, or undoes any losses, but I'll be leaving soon and I just wanted to let you know." She took a small step towards the tabby warrior, gaining confidence as she spoke. Even if she was on the edge of tears.

"I was stupid. Blinded by lies that had been shoved in my face. If I'm being completely honest... you were my first," and are still my only, "friend. I never purposely lied to you about the kits or anything. It surprised me too. I can't believe I actually believed everything they said." All her hopes of staying strong had now vanished as tears welled in the corners of her eyes and began to silently stream down her face. "I also wanted to say thank you. Because of the clans, Eris is no more and Asylum has pretty much crumbled. I think the ones of us that are still left are going to stick together, but not in the same way as Asylum. Maybe I could try... you know... not be so useless." She had regained some control over her emotions now, but was still a little on edge. "Windclan made me realise how no cat has to be at the bottom of the pile for the group to work."

Lilacstar was shocked that Mishka was saying all of this to her, and despite her better judgement, she found herself moving to console the she-cat. Mishka hadn't known. Somehow that was a relief to her, as she had not betrayed her. But I betrayed Mishka. Guilt flooded through her as she rested her head on the small cat's shoulder, wrapping her tail around her. For just this moment, she could forget the pain Asylum had caused her. She could let ignorance envelop her. Right now, she needed to be there for her friend.

"You were never useless, Mishka. You were amazing in so many ways. Because of you, I learned that a cat is defined by the choices they make, not their peers. I am sorry it took this long to see that. I shouldn't have drawn away like I did. But I was so scared. I was afraid of being hurt the way that Thalia hurt me. I should have known better. You are so much better than that." As she drew away from the former pelt ward, she realized that she, too, had been crying, and she wiped a paw over her eyes.

"You don't have to leave, you know. You could stay with us, join WindClan as a full warrior. The others would learn to respect you as you are. You could have a home here. A family. And we could start over, be the friends we should have been before. I could be a better friend."

Mishka looked up and met her friend's tear soaked eyes as they came apart. That offer... of staying in Windclan forever, as a friend and not an unwanted extra, caught her attention. "I-I'd love to Lilacstar, I really would. But-" She paused suddenly realising that she didn't have a proper reason. But then she remembered the moors themselves; the bane of her existence. Not only that, but she still couldn't get over the hostile glares she still received, and she doubted those would ever go away. "The moors aren't right for me. Have you seen me try to hunt here?" She tried to laugh at her own joke, but tears still choked her slightly, so it only sounded forced. With a more serious look in her eyes, she carried on. "I have my own kind of strange kind of family with Asylum. It might take them a while to hear about the news, but I couldn't just leave Edie like that. She's done too much for me."

Her mind flashed with a memory of the day she had been put in her faction. Just like any parent who ended up with a pelt ward for a kit, Edie had been fuming, but probably for more reason than most. I didn't save her life and bring her here just so she could be chucked aside! She's still recovering! Just another moon, then she'll be well enough to become a Scout with me. After that outburst, her mother had returned with a few more scars than before, and had become a lot more guarded when it came to complaining.

She only noticed now how long she had been standing next to Lilacstar, barely saying anything. Maybe she was just subconsciously stretching out the moments to when she would have to say goodbye. For the last time. "Goodbye Lilacstar. Good luck with the clan, and-" Her gaze flicked down to where the she-cat had her tail crossed awkwardly across her belly, and finally a small smile spread across her maw, "Good luck with the kits. I'm sure they'll be just as open-minded and loving as you."

"Who knows, our paths might cross again someday, hopefully in better circumstances. I'll never forget Windclan." With her last few words, she stepped out of the den, leaving camp and breaking into a run as soon as she was out of sight, leaving a cat she had watched rise from apprentice to leader and a clan who had opened her eyes to a better life.