straying from the thunder

Though it was strange and unfamiliar beneath her paws, Thalia felt that she owed it to the cat who had set her on the path she now walked - Beecloud, she'd only learned his name after his death, whispered as it was among the warriors - to see the territory that might have been hers, if not for Asylum's intervention. She was born to them, that was true; but she had been of ThunderClan, in some once upon a time that was all too foreign to her now.

He - they - had called her Laurelkit. It was a nice name, she supposed, as far as Clan names went, but she was glad to be Thalia.

She wasn't sure she liked the forest. She liked the river, had enjoyed watching the water flow on her numerous border patrols, but the forest... There was almost no sun. While WindClan's territory had been too open, ThunderClan's was too heavily shaded for her tastes.

(She wondered if she might like it, had she been raised here. At the very least, she might find closure in the forest.)

Shrikesong had wandered out on her own patrol. She didn't enjoy the freedom of not being watched by the Asylum as much as she thought that she would. Perhaps it was everything that had affected the brown she-cat, from Kitefire running away to RiverClan to the loss of Beecloud. She hoped that walking around ThunderClan territory would make her feel a little better, though it didn't cheer her up as much as she had hoped. Little did she know that a familiar face would appear right in front of her.

A calico she-cat had been standing in front of her, the face unmistakable. Shrikesong didn't think that the she-cat knew her, but she could at least talk to her. "Laurelkit," she spoke, her voice soft. "Do you remember me? It's me, Shrikepaw. Remember the time when we played in camp together?" She couldn't have remembered. If she had remembered, she wouldn't have looked at her so confusedly. But maybe, just maybe, she would remember.

Or maybe Shrikesong was hoping for something that would never happen.

She had been expecting this - in a sense, she had been hoping for it. A hint of closure, knowledge that it wasn't only Beecloud who could recognize her at a glance despite how long she must have been gone. Still, it didn't spark any memories, however faint, the way she had hoped it would. Instead, it only added to her confusion. "I'm sorry, Shrikepaw... I don't know you. Maybe I was your Laurelkit once, but not now," she spoke hesitantly, as if afraid to admit to her own identity. Like she might be run off for her curiosity - they'd be well within their rights, at least, given that she was still - had once been - Asylum. "My name - the only name I had ever known, before one of your own recognized me as someone you'd lost - is Thalia. But I thought, maybe... I owed it to him. To Beecloud. To see what it was like, at least. To see if I could remember something."

And to myself, she thought, but she wouldn't say that out loud.

"I'm sorry. This is trespassing now, isn't it? I just... I think I just wanted to know."

Shrikesong's heart fell. Of course she didn't remember. It had been so long since they last met, after all. She was an apprentice then, for StarClan's sake. It seemed that Laurelkit - or Thalia, as she referred herself as - just wanted to see if she could remember anything. And she couldn't. At least it gave Shrikesong closure as well. All this time, she hoped to see her face, hoped to bring her back to ThunderClan. But she couldn't force the calico she-cat to do anything.

It didn't help her overall mood, of course. It just made it worse. "Yeah, I understand. You don't feel at home in ThunderClan, so you are unwilling to join. That makes sense." The brown she-cat sighed, turning her head down. "I-" she choked, unable to finish her sentence. "I-i-i need t-to g-go back n-now. I h-hope y-you h-have a g-great l-life r-r-right i-in front of-of you." She smiled at the calico she-cat. Even though she could make her expression look happy, the tears welling up in her eyes and her broken voice told a completely different story.

The brown she-cat dipped her head, tears falling onto the melting snow, then walked away from the area.