Sorrow came in One Fell Swoop (Solo)

OOC: This is set right after "Wings of Liberty and Prey".

After Ashstorm ran after the hawk and after the hawk slowly disappeared from her view, she did not stop looking.  Ashstorm felt like she could not just stop looking knowing that one of her kits and her little sister could die.  Would die, as she assumed it would happen.  Even though the optimistic part of her was telling her she would find both of them, the realistic side of her knew that if she, or anyone else, did not find them soon they could be as good as dead.  The sun went from high in the middle of the sky to being replaced by the moon as she looked.  The glowing moon and the dim light of the stars were all the light that was dancing through the shadows of the trees.  Her fur was a knotted mess with dried and new blood clumping in it from the times a branch cut through her skin when she was not paying attention to anything but the hawk.

At last, near one of the borders of Skyclan, far away from the camp, she sat down to breath.  She realized that since she had not found the kits yet and it had been many hours since the hawk came, they probably did not survive.  She looked up at the stars, feeling a pit in her stomach.  "Rippedstar... Starclan how could you let this happen?" She yelled through the tears that did not stop streaming down her face for a while.  "How could you let two sweet, innocent kits just be taken off like that?  They did not deserve it!"

When she was an apprentice, she thought one of the worst things that could happen had happened when Bloodstrike was attacked and taken away.  She thought nothing could have been worse than seeing that.  But clearly she was wrong.

"If you needed to have someone with you in Starclan so bad why didn't you just take me?  Stars knows... you know that I am less pure than they were, so why?"  She dipped her head to be looking at the floor, even though she was still talking to Starclan.  She knew that they would not respond, but she did not care.  If she could have turned back time to one moment, it would have been right before she told her kits that they could leave the nursery.  She would have made sure Sneezingkit was at her side and that Mountainkit was protected.

"You know I've always been loyal to Starclan.  And what did Starclan give me in return?  Have both my little sisters and my own kit die!  I was telling others about you.  I believed in your great power but if all that's done with that power is hurt those that are pure and good in this world then I'm not sure I want to believe in it."

She took a deep breath.  No one was around her but the Asylum cat that was supposed to be watching her and all they did was stand, watch, didn't say a word didn't do a thing.  She was hopefully looking for her little sister and her kit and yet all they did was stand behind her.  She did not know what she expected.  It was not like many of them were empathetic or anything, she just hoped one would have enough of a heart to try to save kits in danger, but they did not seem to even think about doing something like that.  Instead of following and just watching, they could have possibly made a difference if they tried.

Ashstorm shook her head.  I should be getting back to Quietkit and Larkkit.  She thought.  And I should make sure Himbo Bob is okay.  I need to be strong... for the kits I have left anyway.  Ashstorm turned and began walking back to Skyclan, trying to hold back her tears.