One small Primrose in a large sea of darkness

((OOC: Primrosepaw's vision has been getting worse and worse, and this topic is for her to fully loose her it and tell her family, as she has been covering up a little, and they may not know the extent of it. It hasn't happened all at once, but now it has got to the point where I will change her stats and rp her as if she is pretty much completely blind.))

Primrosepaw had been dreaming in her nest. Like many of her dreams recently, she hadn't been able to see anything, but instead was dreaming through smell, sound and touch. She was stalking a squirrel through the woods, stepping lightly and following the scent trail. It was crunching on a small nut, distracted, so she leaped, and just like her first ever attempt to catch prey, she missed. Suddenly, there was goose. Then five. Then, a swarm of them chasing her. She ran for what felt like moons, until her whiskers brushed a tree, but she was going too fast, unable to stop. Painfully, she crashed into the tree, and woke from the nightmare.

She was safe and warm (if not a little too warm) in the apprentices den. But she could barley see a thing. Judging from the scents and snoring in the den, the sun had risen as the den was nearly empty. Blinking hard, she stood up and shook her head. I didn't think it would ever get this bad, she thought, maybe mum and dad were right to worry. They had to know - how could she hunt? Would she still be able to be a warrior? Of course, and if they say no, I'm just going to have to prove them wrong. Pushing the doubts out go her mind, she decide to search for her mother and mentor. Smokefeather needed to know.

"Smokefeather? Mum? I need to speak to you," she was trying not to let the panic rise in her voice. I hope she's not out on patrol. Maybe I'll check the warriors den.

Whilst she was near her mother and father's den, she decide to search for Bloodstrike. "Bloodstrike? Can I speak to you and mum?"

Smokefeather had been curled up in the warriors den. The heat was making her less enthusiastic about moving, much less training, today. The creek had dried up completely, according to some of her clanmates, and Smokefeather couldn't understand why Starclan apparently hated them so much that they would do such a thing. Maybe a break from training today wouldn't be such a bad idea. Smokefeather hated sitting idle, but it was awful even inside the dens. She'd been working with Primrosepaw on hunting mostly, along with sparring. Smokefeather wasn't sure if she had the patience to do either today. Hunting was going better than sparring, but the tortoiseshell was also more hesitant than she would be with a fully-sighted apprentice.

Her daughter's voice broke her thoughts, and Smokefeather blinked. "Primrosepaw?" She asked, as she slipped from her nest, flicking her fluffy tail over Bloodstrike's nose to wake him. Doubtless he'd complain a bit at being woken by sneezing, but she figured he join them quickly enough.

"Great Starclan, if this heat keeps up we're all going to die from it." She grumbled as she made her way out of the den.

"Is everything alright?" Smokefeather turned to her daughter, gray-green eyes lit with concern. She knew that the cream tabby-pointed apprentice's vision had been decreasing, but Primrosepaw had been less forthcoming about it recently. Watching her daughter struggle made her feel helpless, like she was failing her in some way. Smokefeather felt like she was holding her back, knew that that's probably exactly what she was doing. But how was she supposed to go about training Primrosepaw? Sight was important, so were her other senses. But could she really fight on her own without relying on sight at all? For every successful blow landed, more blows were missed and less of Smokefeather's own strikes were avoided. Primrosepaw's lack of vision would only be more noticeable to an enemy in combat. Smokefeather didn't want to be overprotective of her daughter, but what else could she do at this point? It was frustrating for them both, probably even more so for Primrosepaw.

There were blind cats in some of the other clans, she knew. Hadn't Bloodstrike mentioned a Windclan warrior? Maybe Smokefeather would dredge up the willpower to talk to a cat from another clan. Stars knew she was having enough trouble handling it on her own, and Primrosepaw deserved better.

Bloodstrike had been out cold, having done his border patrol rather quickly a little over an hour prior. He had dedicated a lot of his time to training his apprentice during the day and keeping up with nightly patrols, all the while sacrificing sleep. It had been several weeks and his exhaustion was getting to him. For several seconds after Smokefeather woke him with her tail, Bloodstrike lie very still in one spot. Eventually, he forced himself up onto tired, aching paws and padded very sleepily outside his den.

His eyes, though dull and tired, still had the shape of concern for his daughter. If she had come all of this way to wake them, it had to be important. Bloodstrike swiftly licked and wiped a wet paw over his eyes a few times to clear some of the tiredness, but it clung to him the way the heat clung to the forest.

"Is everything okay Prim?" His voice was hoarse from exhaustion, but he forced himself to stay up and to do his fatherly duties anyway.

Now both her parents were awake, Primrosepaw suddenly had no idea what to say. How could she tell them? Would they go to Spottedstar? Breathe. Calm down. "Can we talk out here please?" She made her way out the den, only just aiming for the entrance correctly, and tripping over a (thankfully) empty nest on her short walk. The unfamiliar den would have been a challenge anyway, but her frantic state made all the more difficult. Outside, it was much hotter and she felt bad for her thick-furred mother, but the conversation would be easier in private. Motioning for her parents to sit in a shady spot underneath a tree, she began to talk.

"This morning when I woke up I could barely see a thing. Its been getting much worse, my sight that is, and I haven't been talking to you about it as much as I should of." She was on the edge of tears, but knew she should carry on, "Even now, I can't see you, I could be talking in the wrong direction, to the wrong cat. I can only tell that you followed me by your smell. Will Sagelight be able to fix it? How will I be able to hunt? Fight? What if I can't become a warrior?"


Unable to handle it anymore, she broke down and started sobbing into her mother's thick fur, ignoring the heat. 

Smokefeather gave Bloodstrike an apologetic half-smile. If it had been anyone else, Smokefeather would have simply left her mate to sleep in peace, but Primrosepaw wasn't the sort to bother others unless she had a good reason. She'd never before woken them up like this, and she'd asked for both of them.

Her eyes narrowed when Primrosepaw tripped over the empty nest, and while her daughter recovered quickly enough and was able to find the entrance of the den without help, Smokefeather felt her stomach sink.

Then Primrosepaw began to speak, and Smokefeather let out a long sigh, resting her chin against the top of Primrosepaw's head. Smokefeather wasn't an old cat, but she felt it now as she struggled to comfort her daughter and took in the painful news that she had just shared. She knew admitting it wasn't something Primrosepaw was fond of. Smokefeather doubted she'd want to admit it in her position, either. Yet part of her had known it would come to this eventually, much as that fact hurt.

Smokefeather gently licked one of Primrosepaw's ears, tail curling around her daughter, a small gesture of comfort. Briefly her eyes met Bloodstrike's gaze, unable to hide the mix of helpless panic, despair, desperation... and yes, frustration- Not aimed at Primrosepaw, not ever, but rather aimed at Smokefeather's own seeming inability to do anything for her daughter. What was she even supposed to say? Stars, why Primrosepaw? Why her?

"Primrosepaw... I-" Smokefeather began, then paused, collecting her thoughts. "I don't know," She admitted. Smokefeather couldn't lie to her daughter, it would be cruel. She deserved honesty, no matter how bitter it made her. "We'll figure something out. You're not incapable, you're otherwise healthy." Her throat felt tight as she wrestled with what to say to her daughter. Gray-green eyes sought Bloodstrike's gaze once more, searching for answers. For a way to fix this. Reassurance. Anything.

"You said you could tell we'd followed you by scent." Smokefeather began. She hoped that she'd been able to keep the true strength of her emotions out of her voice, she had to try and remain calm, for Primrosepaw's sake. Blindness wasn't a death sentence. Primrosepaw was smart, she was capable. There had to be a way to work with her, make her understand that. "Your hearing is sharp, too. You still know your way around camp, right? Do you remember what I told you, on our first hunting trip?" Bloodstrike hadn't been there, but she hoped that he could see where Smokefeather was trying to head with this line of thought.

Smokefeaather had seen the determination her daughter had during their training lessons. There had to be a way to work around her vision.

Bloodstrike flicked a tail tip dismissively at Smokefeather upon seeing her apologetic look. It was fine, and this was a situation that couldn't be helped. As Primrosepaw began to speak, Bloodstrike's chest tightened. He knew this was coming. He knew, and yet it didn't lessen the pain that crushed his breath from him. He silently moved in and rested his neck on the back of Smokefeather's as she held Primrosepaw and tried to comfort her. Bloodstrike was big enough that his chin rested against Primrosepaw's shoulder, and he pulled them both in close as he forced emotion from leaking out of his eyes. He had to be strong for both of them. He couldn't show any weakness. After a moment he released them both and let Smokefeather do most of the talking. A few times though, his mate looked at him with desperation plain as day in her eyes.

"Primrosepaw," Bloodstrike spoke softly and forced an encouraging smile on his face. "Your vision... It's possible to be a warrior without being able to see as well as others. I have seen it for myself." He straightened up his posture, as he had been hunched over for his daughter and mate to reach them easier. "I took the thunderpath up to the border of Windclan's territory once," He did not dare may eye contact with Smokefeather upon saying that. He'd get his hind-end tore up for that little revelation later, he was sure. "I met a she-cat that was blind, completely blind. Her name was Wildflower. We talked for awhile, and she had similar concerns that you do now. She challenged me to a spar and I agreed. She was about an average sized cat and blind, and you know what?" Bloodstrike glanced around and flattened his ears a bit. Oh boy here it comes... "I nearly lost the spar. Me. As big as I am, I had more trouble from her than I thought I would have. We left on good terms, and I also know a Windclan cat named Crowspirit that likes me well enough that if I wanted to meet with someone in Windclan, he would vouch for me." Now he looked at Smokefeather, speaking to both her and Primrosepaw.

"I think, if we needed to, we could speak to Wildflower and maybe she could help all of us. If she can fight, so can you, and I imagine she can hunt just fine as well." Finally, finally all of his hard work as an apprentice and a newly named warrior had paid off. Friends in other clans... All clans even. And now he needed help from one of them. He stared at Smokefeather for a moment, hoping that this news may help matters. A thought slithered through his mind that nearly tore his heart from his chest too though. What if Wildflower found it too difficult to give advice back and forth from afar? What if... Primrosepaw... would be better off in Windclan?

Primrosepaw shrank into her parents' fur, feeling like a week-old kit. At her mother's words, she thought back to their hunting session. What had she said? An answer to my question - 'hunting isn't purely visual.' But in that hunt I still lost that first piece of prey. And the second. She had caught the bird eventually though. Sight and sound. She could still hunt - it would just take practice. Fighting was a different issue, however. Normally she would pull away from her parents, as they had never needed to do this with any of her siblings, but she had given up at this point.

What if they were lying to make her feel better? They wouldn't. I hope, she thought, they know it would make it worse.

Bloodstrike's story about Wildflower intuited her. Firstly, her father seemed to have friends in almost every clan, and secondly, maybe, just this once, she could accept some extra help. They could maybe see her at the border. It would also be a chance to to make friends and learn about the other clan. "But what if she doesn't want to? If she can't." Her usual positive and optimistic demeanour had been lost this morning, as if she had woken up with a completely different personality. 

Come on Primrosepaw, she said to herself, calm down. Lifting her head to her worried parents, she whispered, "when do you think we could meet with her? Soon?" She wondered how Wildflower had lost her sight. Injury? Gradually, like herself? Questions started piling up in her mind for her, and she felt enthusiasm and determination trickling pack into her. Taking a step towards the camp entrance, away from her mother's protective position, she hopefully mewed "Could we maybe go now?" Smiling, she added "I'll be able to do anything, I just might have to work twice as hard. So let's start now." Her mood was rapidly improving now her confidence in navigating, however was not. That would take a lot of practice. "If I walk behind you, you can use your tail to guide me," she realised. 

Smokefeather relaxed slightly as Bloodstrike stepped forward, reaching across her to rest his chin against Primrosepaw's shoulder. The comfort was welcome, and Smokefeather affectionately rubbed a dark-furred cheek against his shoulder in response before resting her chin against Primrosepaw's head once more.

Bloodstrike stepped back, straightening as he spoke, while Smokefeather remained sitting. A blind Windclan warrior... Wildflower, he'd said her name was. Maybe if she'd been less distracted, Smokefeather would have taken more notice of Bloodstrike's comment about the thunderpath. As it was now though, Smokefeather was more focused on what her mate had to say of the Windclan she-cat who was also blind. He'd nearly lost a spar with her? Smokefeather would have been happy to do elder duties for a moon if she could've seen that. Still, it seemed like having friends in the other clans was about to pay off for them. This hadn't been quite what she'd imagined when she had agreed with Bloodstrike that day by the creek that building relationships with other clans was important, but she'd take it.

His words had an effect on Primrosepaw, and Smokefeather sensed the mingled excitement and worry as she shifted away from her. Hope was fragile, but if this she-cat from Windclan agreed to help...

"The moor won't offer respite from the sun, and is a long trek besides. Bloodstrike might wind up needing to carry both of us back if we were to leave now." Smokefeather responded to her daughter's enthusiasm gently. She might have been amused at the thought normally, but Smokefeather could tell that her mate was exhausted. And she would not put Primrosepaw at risk either, just because she had shorter fur than Smokefeather did not mean she wasn't prone to heat exhaustion either. Of course, the one most prone to it was Smokefeather in this situation, but Smokefeather fully intended on going with her daughter, if this is what they decided to do, she had to. Still, she refused to discourage her, either. Smokefeather continued to speak quickly.

"If we wanted to get there at a reasonable time, we'd have to leave early in the morning. The gathering is in a few days, we could ask then." Primrosepaw would be going to that gathering, and with any luck it would go peacefully. Starclan willing, it might even be cooler than it was now. "It would be less risky than possibly bumping into a different patrol."

"What do you think?" The question was aimed more at Bloodstrike- Smokefeather could tell how excited her daughter was by the prospect, and Smokefeather too was hopeful that there would be help for Primrosepaw at last.

It was nice to see a little bit of fire return to his daughter's eyes. She was hesitant at first, but her excitement grew. He allowed Smokefeather to speak before he nodded in turn.

"I believe it is reasonable to wait until the next gathering to speak with her. It will be soon." He gave his family a tired smile. His eyes went up to the nearly full moon. The gathering wasn't that far away now. Hopefully the heat would let up soon as well. A lot of his family members were long-furred, and he silently thanked Starclan that that wasn't true for him. He already had a nasty temper, and the heat had made it considerably worse during the daytime. He couldn't imagine what an insufferable jerk he would have been if he had long fur.

Primrosepaw nodded as her parents spoke in turn, trying her hardest not to feel disappointed. The next Gathering would be soon, they could talk to her then. I wonder what the Gatherings are like. All she knew was that it was a lot of cats together, who may be willing to make friends with her. But what if it's too much? Before, in the nursery, she had imagined all the different clans, full of other cats to talk to. Experiencing it without sight was something she had never considered before: she could get lost, or something bad might happen. She slowly padded back to her parents and sat down in front of them. "Next Gathering," she said, "we can find her and talk to her."

In the meantime, she knew she would have to practice and train harder to hunt, fight and navigate. She was fairly in the nearly-empty camp, but the territory was still fairly unfamiliar. Turing to leave camp, she called back, "I'm going to go practice my hunting, I might as well start now, rather than wait for tomorrow." And with that, she slowly and carefully padded into the forest.

At Bloodstrike's next words, Smokefeather gave the tom an appreciative look, and nodded. At the next gathering, then.

...Primrosepaw wanted to go out now? Smokefeather had been expecting it, but she couldn't quite hide her half-amused expression. It was hot out, and Primrosepaw was downright energetic. Had she been this energetic as an apprentice? This impatient and eager to learn?

...Okay, yes she had been.

But it would also get her out of camp. She was tired of sitting around idle. Smokefeather pulled herself to her feet. "River first, then we'll practice." She chided her apprentice gently. The water would give them both some refreshment, something that was very much needed by the longhaired she-cat. She wasn't about to let Primrosepaw wander the territory by herself, and hoped that they'd be able to get in some decent practice despite the heat. Hunting, or simply further familiarizing Primrosepaw with the territory, both would be good for the apprentice. There was a spark of excitement and determination in her eyes that Smokefeather shared.

Smokefeather paused, glancing over at Bloodstrike. "Thank you." She murmured quietly, reaching up to lick his ear before adding, "You should go back to sleep, you look dead on your paws." She then turned, tail lightly brushing Bloodstrike's shoulder as she moved to follow the now-excited apprentice out of camp.

((figure this is a good place to end the topic? Can do follow-ups too, including one set after Smokefeather meets Ravenmist))

((OOC: yeah i agree lets finish it here))