Tanglepaw's Moonstone Journey

Mothglow had started bundling traveling herbs in advance, with the sudden increase of how often she needed them. Today she simply took one for herself, as per usual lapping it up before even leaving her den, before seeking out the cat who was set to accompany her - another one of her kin, but then again almost all of ShadowClan was her family in some way or another, by blood or otherwise. She spotted her near the fresh-kill pile, and bounded over with her usual energy and enthusiasm. "Tanglepaw! Are you ready to go? Here," she nudged the herbs closer to her. "Take these, then we can leave."

Tanglepaw looked up from the fresh-kill, her paw already laid on top of a particularly fresh frog. Mothglow bounded toward her with glee that the apprentice interpreted as off-putting. Her flattened nose wrinkled as she tried to figure out why the medicine cat was dropping leaves at her paws. Suddenly, it clicked, and Tanglepaw gulped. "Oh, gee, that's today, isn't it?" she whispered through her teeth, embarrassment rising as heat in her cheeks. She let the leaves run down her throat, barely chewing, and shuddered at the odd texture. "I'm glad you're in a good mood about it. I don't know what the big deal is... I've seen enough ghosts this past moon."

"I think we all have," Mothglow admitted. "But it's more than that. It's an accomplishment for you, that you've made it this far in your training," she added. "Today, you follow in the pawsteps of every warrior before you, every apprentice that's finished their training."

With that, she began to lead the way out of camp. As usual, it was overall uneventful but not unpleasant - the newleaf weather was nice, and so the journey felt less tiring than it had in past moons. Eventually, they arrived at Mothermouth, and silently slipped through the tunnels before emerging into the Moonstone's cavern. She gestured to the shimmering stone with her tail before settling into her usual place. "I'm sure they'll be happy to see you, regardless of your own feelings."

Tanglepaw shifted her eyes to her paws. Mothglow did have a point. Accomplishment was nice, and she had participated in this strange, strange victory. Following in the pawsteps of every apprentice before her... history's many walks to a great big rock. Though, she had to say, the thought intrigued her. She could ask about the future, but she was quite a bit more interested in the past. What was life before the Righteous Few?

---

The Moonstone shone brighter than she had expected. Her yellow eyes narrowed to slits as she adjusted to the sudden light in the tunnel. Mothglow spoke behind her. "I'm not anything special!" she laughed. "What could they possibly want with me?" She pressed her nose to the stone and felt a strange weightlessness as she drifted into unconsciousness.

StarClan was very blue. It seemed that she was in the sky, with the stars gleaming around her. There was no need for sunlight. This place was marshlike, reminiscent of ShadowClan's earthly territory. A figure was approaching: a stark grey warrior, a she-cat, with a familiar smell, musty and thick. The scent was very ShadowClan. "I wonder when you died," she said suddenly, not registering how awkward it sounded until it was already out. She frowned, but decided to roll with the interesting starter she had opened with. "Are you ancient? Or are you recently-dead? Like when Thornstar was leader?"

The pale gray figure sat waiting with the barest minimum of patience in the pale but insistent light of Silverpelt as Tanglepaw appeared, flat gray face and all. Frog hadn't really intended to invest herself in the lives of the products of friends from her past life, yet she'd visited Shadestrike - daughter of Burntstag and Silent Snows - and now found herself visiting the she-cat's daughter as well. Frog couldn't imagine what sort of genetic strangeness occurred that had produced a remarkably stout snout from such a chisel-faced family. If she'd never seen the cat before she might've laughed. Actually, seeing it face to face she still smirked slightly, but just a subtle twitch. She wondered if Tanglepaw was going to be as sensitive as Shadepaw had been. Judging by the ShadowClan apprentice's first words towards Frog - which caused her smirk to grow into a less-subtle grin - she suspected not. The gray StarClan warrior snorted and allowed Tanglepaw to clarify, if she so chose.

As a matter of fact, she did, and Frog's ears flicked at the mention of Thornstar's name. "Before Thornstar was leader," Frog answered briefly in her husky voice, then added with a dry mrrow, "but she was totally alive when I died. She was my sworn enemy." The starry-pelted gray cat let out a little howl of laughter at the thoughts and memories, then looked back at Tanglepaw again as she recovered her amusement. "It's hard to hate someone's guts when you're dead, though; perspective's dumb that way. She's still a badger-brain." She snickered, pale green eyes flashing, and then she dipped her gray head, meowing, "My name's Frog. Frogmarsh, technically, but I don't see the point. Just Frog. Do you wanna introduce yourself or do you want me to do some weird spooky StarClan thing?" Her tail was twitching rapidly, a testament of her slightly chaotic and restless energy.

reminder to self: shadestrike and eveningpaw are still alive and well as of this moonstone

Tanglepaw chortled at Frog's relaxed and informal way of speaking, recognizing in her a certain unorthodox quality that she deeply appreciated. It was clear from their first interaction that this cat was suited very well to her, and that StarClan was much more diverse than the stoic, starry-eyed, prophetic ghosts she had expected. She envisaged Thornstar (or what little she could remember of the cat) at her throat, barking in her signature half-growl. The apprentice lifted a paw to her wiry chest fur and dragged her claws down, loosening a few of the stubborn knots apprehensively. She had to admit, it still made her nervous to be so out of her depth.

"Tanglepaw," she said, "So you must've known, like... my grandfather. Burntdeer or Burntstag or something. Hey, how come nobody ever talks about him? The only cat who ever says a word about him is my mother and my uncle. I asked about him once when I was a kit, and all the elders looked at me funny. What gives?" It felt like a very impersonal question. Maybe she had wasted her one chance at celestial guidance. Though, she was curious. He was an enigma unlike any of her other ancestors. Scorchstar, Dapplethorn, Nightclaw, their stories came easily. She knew them. But Burntstag, and his mate Silentsnow, were taboo to all of ShadowClan. Did it weigh on Shadestrike's heart, that her own parents were the subject of so much scrutiny? What had they done wrong?

"... He didn't kill somebody, did he?" she asked, wincing.

The younger she-cat pawed anxiously at the fur on her chest, though Frog couldn't tell if she was anxious about the "weird spooky StarClan thing" statement or just the strangeness of the land of the ancestors in general. Either was kinda reasonable, and either way Tanglepaw introduced herself and then spoke of the social connections she could determine based on who Frog knew. Frog nodded, eyes sparking with interest to know what this little she-cat made of her heritage; as it turned out, she could make very little of her heritage with all her living Clanmates keeping the brief history of StagClan a secret. It wasn't surprising, but it still rubbed Frog's fur the wrong way. "What gives?" Tanglepaw asked, almost hotly, and Frog squeezed her mouth tightly to stifle a half-scoff half-laugh, the immensity of the question quite apparent through the amusement and incredulousness of her expression. "Hooph - fox-dung, Tanglepaw," was all Frog managed at first.

Tanglepaw pressed a little farther, expressing concern that Burntstag had killed someone. Frog's expression became a touch more serious for a heartbeat or two, and she took in a deep breath before letting it out through her teeth. "Oh, dirt. Ugh. I think the elders have the thoughtfulness of slugs," Frog remarked tartly. "We're supposed to take care of 'em for all the good they did our Clan before they got old, but they won't even answer a question straight when it's about a kit's family." She shook her head, gray fur rippling over her shoulders, and looked back at Tanglepaw again with a smirk. "If those toad-brains won't talk to you about Burnt and StagClan then yeah, I guess I will." Her eyes widened a little, and she added with a flick of her paw, "Your mom's not a toad-brain for not talking about it, okay? She's got her own whole thing with Burntstag. Don't - don't tell her I called her a toad-brain. Okay? I didn't."

Frog half-glared at Tanglepaw for a second, but really what consequences would there be at this point? Frog and Shadestrike's talk was past; Tanglepaw's turn was now. The gray she-cat sighed, flicked her tail, and nudged towards a plush patch of starry moss. "Get comfortable. It's not like you can get tired up here, anyways, but you can still look awkward if you just stand there like a dumb newt while I talk at you," Frog instructed. She waited a few moments, hoping the apprentice would take her advice; she glanced around furtively, wondering if any other history-hiding bird-brains were hovering and muttering like disapproving old queens among themselves. They can eat dirt, she thought, looking back at Tanglepaw again. ”So, truthfully, I don’t have enough time to tell you everything,” Frog admitted, ”but we’ll see what I can fit in.

“So first off, Burntstag was… uh, not entirely accepted by ShadowClan from the very start,” Frog explained. She debated for a moment; if she told Tanglepaw that Burntstag was half RiverClan, that could do much more damage than just learning her grandfather had turned ShadowClan inside out and that her great-grandfather had nearly done worse to the forest. Tanglepaw had been there when the Righteous Few had announced their failed intentions with the tom, so at least that seed was already planted - if she remembered it. Maybe the RiverClan cat Brushgaze’s part in Lichenmask’s “failure” was better out of the flat-faced gray cat’s knowledge for now; what more could it affect? So she decided the identity of her great-grandmother could wait. She’d asked about Burntstag, anyways, not her whole family line. ”I dunno if you remember what the Righteous Ones were blathering about at the Gathering where they, uh, killed the WindClan leader, but the RiverClan fox was talking about a “savior” their corner of StarClan once sent to the forest to try to kill code-breakers for them. They were talking about Lichenmask. Have you heard of him? That’s Burnt’s daddy,” Frog stated untactfully.

To avoid confusion or too much shock, Frog swept on with her tale. ”Lichenmask and all of his followers died after turning against the Clans in battle because they wouldn’t all toss out their “impure” cats. The leaders found his kits - Burnt being one of them - and they were afraid Lichenmask would’ve raised them to be crazy little badgers like him, so they agreed to take the kits into the Clans and divide them up so they could, I dunno, get each other away from their dad’s ideologies or flourish in the best Clan or whatever. So Burnt was the kit of a cat who caused a war in the forest - like the one you experienced, except the Clans’ enemies were their own Clanmates instead of random stranger starry power-freaks. They didn’t trust where Burnt came from.” Frog’s voice was a little more somber; it would’ve been a terrible experience. She straightened up a little, continuing less intensely. ”Burntstag was a good cat, though. I was born a little before he was brought to the Clan, so we kinda grew up together, even though I died way before any of the good stuff happened.

“I always thought he was pretty cool, honestly; he understood what being a Clan cat was about - more than just codes and StarClan. A lot of the Clan cats wondered if Lichenmask had been lying about acting on StarClan’s behalf from the start. Most of the Clans learned the lesson that StarClan was merciful and forgiving and would be accepting of those who broke the code, but they still needed to follow it; growing up, though, Burntstag didn’t learn it the same way. What he learned was that StarClan had been nosy and, when they weren’t able to enforce their own dumb code, they picked the wrong champion to try to enforce it for them. What Burntstag learned was that StarClan overstepped their bounds, and the rest of the Clans always let them - like it was built into the code to obey StarClan even if they were wrong.” Frog shrugged. ”He thought the code was hurting the Clans, and so over time he got some friends who thought like him and they made a plan to become a Clan without the code:

”StagClan.”

Frog paused for emphasis, gazing into the distance. She smirked and shrugged a little. ”Scorchstar had been struggling, which, honestly, wasn’t a surprise. He was okay, I guess - I didn’t like him. It’s whatever, though. From some cats’ perspective, Scorchstar had been failing to lead ShadowClan with the strength and conviction it deserved. He didn’t lead by example - he just chattered about the warrior code.” The gray she-cat stopped to scoff and roll her eyes slightly before continuing, ”Eventually Burntstag felt his Clan couldn’t wait anymore, so he went to Scorchstar - and all of ShadowClan, really - with his followers to reason with them to give up the warrior code and turn their backs on their warrior ancestors and make their own peace without the interference of the code.” The way that Frog recounted the tale, it was clear to see what she believed.

”Scorchstar wouldn’t listen, and - get this - Asterspark, his own son, knocked him clean off the Jaggedrock to try to get him to listen to reason, practically chasing him out of camp. Burntstag got blamed for it, and that’s when the real divide happened. Scorchstar and the deputy at the time, Wildstrike, left with the part of the Clan that wanted to keep following the warrior code, and the rest stayed with Burntstag - just Burnt then, like he’d been born - and made StagClan a reality. He wanted peace, and he offered it to the other Clans, too, but after Lichenmask they weren’t willing to hear him out. He had no intention of fighting anybody.” Her short-furred tail lashed with irritation. ”They didn’t believe him, though. Scorchstar’s deputy, Wildstrike, tried to take revenge on Scorchstar’s behalf by trying to kill a member of StagClan, and Wildstrike got caught and killed instead.”

Frog stamped a paw and growled, ”It was so stupid - the one on the side of keeping the warrior code broke it to try to prove his point about why they need to keep it? I don’t know what he was thinking, but of course every cat decided suddenly that StagClan was wrong. All Burnt had been trying to do was live peacefully… He and Silent Snows had even had kits ‘cause they had thought they’d finally found the way to have a Clan without battle, but when Burnt killed Wildstrike he felt like he’d killed StagClan, and he… didn’t survive the experience.” She looked at Tanglepaw meaningfully, hoping she understood. She sighed then, continuing, ”By the time Jaystar arrived with Scorchstar and Thornbriar, most of what was left of StagClan had given up with Burntstag. His family was torn apart again and again because of the code… or because of breaking the code.”

She looked almost sadly at Tanglepaw and finished, ”Who’s to say anymore, really? Could be either or both or neither.” Frog paused, took a breath, and smirked drily as she said, ”So… So yeah. Burntstag did kill someone, Tanglepaw, if you want the black-and-white answer. Sometimes, though, I think things are just like us: gray.” She looked at Tanglepaw, wishing she could see now what was going through the apprentice’s mind.

Tanglepaw didn't repress her snort as Frog cussed, letting the kittish laughter ripple over her chest before noting the older she-cat's grave expression. Her flat face fell to meet Frog's, nodding as she asked (no, begged) Tanglepaw to not let on that she had accidentally insulted Shadestrike. It became increasingly clear from the darkness in Frog's expression that the problem was deeper than she could have ever expected. Her heart rumbled a little faster in her chest as she lowered her haunches to the ground, waiting for the she-cat to collect her thoughts. Tanglepaw lowered her gaze as Frog opened her tale with a familiar story: the Righteous Few.

So StarClan had screwed up once before. For a bunch of uncorruptible beings of goodness and light, it seemed that they made a habit of poor decisions. Hadn't they the foresight to realize that a mass extermination of codebreakers wouldn't go over so well?

"That's Burnt's daddy."

Tanglepaw felt a stone snake its way into her stomach before dropping straight down, crushing her insides and bearing heavy weight on her elbows. Her front paws slide out from under her. She struggled to catch the ground, flexing her claws for traction before relinquishing her grip and taking the rest of the trip down to lay in the soft, starry grass. Frog's words sounded muffled and underwater in her ears, threatening to drown her. "Kits... divided... caused a war... didn't trust... good cat." Burntstag was a good cat. Tanglepaw became suddenly aware of her own heartbeat, and the blood that coursed through her body. She once tumbled into a thorn bush, early in her apprenticeship. Rather than go to the medicine den and face the judgmental look from her sister, she pulled out each of the eleven thorns from her paws, legs, and belly herself. She recalled the way that crimson liquid looked, leaking out of her pads, and realized for the first time the taint that it carried. The stain on her lineage, the curse of her ancestry, that wrought so much pain and suffering. Was it her mother's shame, too? Was that why so much was a mystery?

At the mention of StagClan, a shiver ran down Tanglepaw's spine. A life without the Code, civilization without the law of the ancestors... she imagined the reality they lived in. She imagined a new order, where clans were bonded by community rather than law. What would ShadowClan be if Flintstar decided the rules, rather than taking cues from StarClan? It was new, and it was enticing, but Tanglepaw couldn't shake the bad feeling in her belly. Burntstag couldn't possibly expect to change so much at once. The plot only thickened at the mention of her great grandfather, Scorchstar. So he was a hypocrite? The thought of it made Tanglepaw's nose and ears grow hot with frustration. Of course Burntstag would take matters into his own paws, if Scorchstar wouldn't lead! He must have been in the right. A cruel leader should be removed.

Wrong again, Tanglepaw decided, as Frog concluded her story. The apprentice did not lift her eyes from the ground. If anything, she had been left with more questions than she had begun with. The unequivocal truth of the matter was just as the StarClan cat had put it. Nothing was black or white, right or wrong. ShadowClan turned its back on Burnt, and he turned away as well. He violated his own ideals, and paid the price in blood. Scorchstar's deputy broke the Code, his own ideals, and died doing it. Assassination, suicide. The kits Frog spoke of... Shadestrike was one of them. Shade, Tanglepaw supposed. Silent Snows was her grandmother's true name, her Clan-given title. What made StagClan any less legitimate than ShadowClan? The lack of a Code couldn't possibly be cause for violence, and yet they were disposed of as quickly as they had begun. And yet, they had taken ShadowClan's land.

Her thoughts were disjointed, jumbled, and foggy as she wrangled with the truth of her heritage. The frankness that she carried herself with, and her plain-spoken, wild ways were simply remnants of a clan that she had not been privy too. As much as she was from ShadowClan, she was from StagClan. The Code was nothing more to her than a set of rules to follow so that she did not die, and these were ideals that her clanmates would never understand. While Burnt was not the reason she believed the way she did, his story showed her one thing: the worst thing a cat can be is a non-believer.

"They'll never get it, will they?" she murmured. "I guess that's just my lot. I can live with it, I suppose. I'll never share that... conviction they all have, but they haven't stepped on my toes yet." Her expression turned dark and bitter. "Wouldn't want them to think I was planning on overthrowing Flintstar, anyway. They... they could've at least told me."

Tanglepaw's golden eyes had widened with shock early in Frog's tale, and her flat face had dropped, shielding her expression from the starry gray she-cat. When she'd finished, the apprentice stared at the ground for a while longer. Meanwhile, Frog raised one slender, deep gray paw to her muzzle and began to groom her face, licking slowly and intently at her forepaw as she swiped her whiskers a few times. Eventually Tanglepaw murmured with soft-spoken bitterness about how the others had never understood - how they'd kept it from her, despite that her heritage and her history were wholly out of her paws to control. Paw still raised, Frog flexed her dark claws and agreed hotly, "They should've told you, bunch of toad-brains. I feel like all these feather-heads should've learned by now that keeping cats away from their families or the truths about their families only really hurts them. RiverClan, ShadowClan, ThunderClan, SkyClan, WindClan - they've all got secrets, and even the most "honorable" cats keep them. It's not new news. They always act like it is."

Tanglepaw's heart rose in a maddening crescendo, peaking at the same time as her anger as coarse, wild fur bunched up around her hackles and tail. Frog was right. Each word found a home in her mind, where she would dissect it like a piece of prey later as she lay in her nest. And what of Burnt? What of the empire he tried to create? Was he somehow better? No, of course not. The only thing that set her apart from the lowest of rogues was the illusion of righteousness. ShadowClan benefited from healthy, strong warriors, in a mutual pact between cats to protect each other and be protected in return... StagClan threatened that, whether Burnt meant it to or not. The veil fell, Scorchstar's deputy murdered, and they became wild things once more.

Yellow eyes, sour as citrus and bright as the sun, returned to Frog's darkened face. "I like you very much," Tanglepaw murmured. "You're smart and practical. That's important to me. I don't know how I feel about my grandfather, or Scorchstar... I guess that's the point. Neither was right, neither was wrong. But you've given me a lot to think about. I feel better, now that I've heard it all. I don't mind being a ShadowClanner, of course. So long as I'm useful, they'll protect me, and the other way 'round. But they're not above me. No one is." Tanglepaw rose, shaking out her pelt and letting out a long, resolved breath as the thumping in her heart subsided. "And I think my own skin is a little more important than any rule they want me to follow. Thank you, Frog. I hope I see you again someday."

Eventually Tanglepaw lifted her face to meet Frog's once more, and the bitterness and frustration evident in the shining depths was neither surprising nor concerning; it was exactly what Frog would've felt after learning something so vital had been kept from her. She had been annoyed and frustrated by the state of leadership and authority in ShadowClan when she was alive, and her disobedience had eventually cost her her life, but in the end she really wasn't sorry. Being in StarClan was better than being forced to obey a bunch of blind feather-heads. Frog let out a brief snort, a bit of a stifled chuckle, and dipped her head thankfully as the ShadowClan apprentice expressed her appreciation of Frog's blunt wisdom. She said nothing, just watching Tanglepaw's face intently as she expressed her feelings in response to what she'd learned. The gray she-cat smiled, an impish and rebellious grin, and mrrowed, "Even stars are beneath us in our reflections."

As the gray she-cat began to fade, she looked more intently into the flat-faced apprentice's eyes and stated casually, but with a clear tone of sincerity, "Take care of yourself, Tanglepaw; take your time coming here. I'd love to see you ruffle our Clanmates a little before you join me." Then the gray face was lost to the void, the the mischievously glinting eyes sparked out of existence a moment later. Tanglepaw was returned to the drifting expanse of dreamless sleep, out of the ancestors' dream lands until they spoke again.