Houndpaw's Moonstone Journey

Her words, her care, stuck any attempt at speech to the back of his tongue. He hadn't wanted to say anything and was content to find solace in his usual bitterness and the comfort of pushing others away in his pain. But the way Mossbloom spoke with so much genuine care demanded an answer, some reciprocation or pleasantness. None of it came. His maw had snapled shut and stayed that way. It was strange to see such restraint from him, but this time it wasn't quite a restraint. Houndpaw found himself stealing glances her way one more. But once against silence was all that spoke. Thankfully, Highstones wasn't too far, even with the fiery ache of his shoulder. Underneath the shadow of Highstones, he felt smaller than ever before and had to fight away the sensation of inadequacy as they approched the entrance.

As Mossbloom's voice crackles through the air, his gaze snapped to her immediately, drinking in the instructions. He nodded but his whiskers twitched ever so slightly with a light scoff, "I would be shocked if Starclan had anything exciting for me, but, yeah, I'll let you know. Let's get this done with." Admittedly, his injury made the climb less pleasant and he was sure the decent into the caverns would made it worse. But he bit his maw and said nothing as he simply waited for the medicine cat to lead him in. And once she did, they disappeared into the pressing darkness. It was damp and thick, as if clawing at his pelt. Houndpaw tried not to think of it and the feeling was soon forgotten as he saw the glaw of the moonstone. He glanced at her before padding forward. This was his time. Either some magic Star cat would talk to him, or they wouldn't. Regardless of what was to come, he settled down and pressed his nose to the chilling stone.

"Hello there, little Houndpaw," a soft voice whispered, awakening Houndpaw into StarClan. Stepping from the stars above was a yellow tabby, scars lining half of her face but her eyes still glimmered with life - or un-life, as it truly was. There was an excitement in Lionspark, to get to speak to the living once again. She had watched ThunderClan so fondly from the stars, watching those she knew join her...Although a few she had known still walked the forest to her joy. But now it was time to share wisdom with the new cats she had never known.

She padded toward without a worry, happily sweeping the tom into her embrace as she nuzzled him like a mother would her kit. She did not know Houndpaw, she hadn't even known his parents but she had seen his heartache from the heavens and had wanted to do this for so long - it was simple perfect that she was the one to speak to him. Before long, she stepped back to free the apprentice from her motherly embrace, smiling softly at him. "I am Lionspark, once a warrior of ThunderClan many moons ago. Although my time has passed, I have proudly watched my Clan grow and the few I knew in life that still walk the forest...But you are here for a reason, Houndpaw. It is time for you to gain wisdom - and while I have my own I wish to bestow upon you...I am also curious of what you may seek answers to."

He honestly had found himself expecting there to be nothing before him when he opened his eyes to the realm of sleep. And yet, as if coming up from the starry background herself, there was a she-cat before him. His gray-eyed gaze focused on her for a moment; Houndpaw was too surprised to come up with anything coherent for a moment. In those few seconds of his silence, the strange Starclan cat close the distance between him and drew the apprentice into her side. As she nuzzled him, he froze. In kithood, the lanky tabby had rejected such advanced from Dustcloud. Ridgelight had only ever spared him the comfort of a fox's cold, sharp, bite. Even with Dacepaw, the closest he had come to finding comfort in her warmth had been from the light brushing of their pelts as they lay next to each other in the apprentice's den. He swallowed. Every muscle, every fiber of his being screamed to pull away, to run from this foreign thing that was happening right now.

And then she spoke.

It was as if Lionspark knew exactly which moment to pull away. The distraction of her sweet voice, the assuring and swift embrace. He didn't even have time to growl words of malcontent and was forced to simply accept what had happened. The occurrence left him wondering what she owed him. Was this some long lost kin? Had one of her line wronged his in some way? His brain fought to make sense of what just happened. But as she spoke he pushed it away momentarily to focus on her words. If Starclan had truly gifted him the presence of a Starclan cat, it was worth giving them a moment or two to attempt bestowing some greater wisdom upon him. A neutral expression wrought his maw, flickered with confusion, and despite their very different physique, he almost bore a resemblance to his father for a brief time. But then his expression became one of pondering, as if seeking out the right question to ask. It seemed like an eternity before he selected which wisdom to ask she impart on him...

"Are Riverclan cats born stupid? Or do they learn it? I've always wondered..." It was more an antagonistic response than anything. Of course, Dacepaw had turned out okay. But that must of been because she joined Thunderclan. He looked at her, a slight smirk across his maw, expecting indignation from this Lionspark.

"Aren't all kits born stupid?" Lionspark replied coolly, knowing better to play his game. She had watched him from the stars after all, she hadn't really been expecting a proper response - hoping, perhaps but she knew better. "Nobody is brilliant from birth, Houndpaw - not even you even as you perhaps like to act like it. Everybody must make childish mistakes to learn from after all." Then she paused, before giving it a serious answer. "...There was a time when I was held captured by RiverClan, when our relationship was far more rocky then it was. I had no hatred of RiverClan myself at that time, but as I spent time as their prisoner...I found that they were cats, just like you. They live a different life, yes, but so many are capable of kindness and I grew a bond with some of my caretakers before I was released back to my camp unharmed. But...I suspect you do not care much for my answer on that question, so I shall move to the other point I wished to talk to you about..."

She cleared her throat as she took a soft step forward, a sad look overtaking her eyes as she simply stared at him. "You lock your heart away, Houndpaw. You’ve built a wall around yourself, to protect yourself... You lash out like a viper at those who draw too close, angry at the world and those who had broken your heart so easily and quickly. I know that feeling, I was much the same way," she added softly, raising her paw toward her scarred eye before a soft shiver worked down her spine at the painful memories that came flooding back. "...I grew blind to those who truly cared, focused instead on those who had hurt me in unimaginable ways for reasons that we're not my own, and perhaps reasons that were. You are right to be angry at those who have hurt you, but to hate the world in the entirely...That is no way to live, Houndpaw. Pushing others away may feel like the right choice, but the wall you built will be suffocating like constructing vines in the end, with thorns that will hurt those who try to tear them away, who truly care for you, if you don't help them from the inside. Live freely, Houndpaw, be yourself and love...Not for those who hurt you, but perhaps to spite them." She wasn't asking for Houndpaw to change his ways, to suddenly drop his sour attitude and accept those he had grown to disdain over the years. No, she was simply asking for him to be more open to those who did care. "After all...Why have the last laugh when you can laugh whenever?"

There was a long moment of silence as she looked down at her paws, before she raised her gaze. "I am not asking for you to change in a heartbeat, little Houndpaw. I'm not asking you to change in the next moon, in fact. But your actions hurt those who truly care much more than you realize, those who truly want to help you be happy. Being wrapped up in yourself may make you feel safe, but its suffocating to yourself and you will never be free from those who hurt you if you allow them to so deeply effect you without a word or glance your way. I am simply asking you to think on yourself, to find those who love you and cling. They may hurt you in ways they never would have wanted, but those moments leading up to it will have made it all worth it." With her peace said, she turned and started to walk away before she paused...Sparing one more glance over her shoulder. "...I...Know this isn't what I am suppose to do but...When you see Dustcloud, can you tell her that I am happy? That I treasured our friendship and I only wish I saw what she was trying to do for me, of how she was trying to help me, before my final breath..." With that...She turned and disappeared back into the stars and left Houndpaw alone with his thoughts.

The tabby tom sat, tail strewn out behind him, as he settled in for some speech. There was still a quirky, smug, smirk that had settled in at the edge of his maw. But that quickly faded with her words. Lionspark did not hesitate to genuinely answer his question, and to ignore the nearly taunting nature of his tone. Houndpaw was silent once again. It seemed in the past mood, he was constantly shifting as his discomfort. Several cats had challenged the unpleasant nature he had adopted at a young age. Even in their journey here, the apprentice had found some respect for the medicine cat, if only for a fleeting moment. There was something broken within him. Pieces strewn about he had never tried to sort or put back together. And the thought that any cat would one day reconstruct it was a terrible thing, for it meant they would see the depths of his wounded soul and the past that quietly haunted him like and ever present ghost.

The Starclan cat saw all of this. Her soft words pried and picked at his heart. Houndpaw wanted to yowl at her, it was his first reaction to hearing her so blatantly lay out the contents of his heart and nature of his spirit. His claws dug into the starry earth and a growl did in fact leave his throat. His gray eyes bore into her with a feigned hatred, the very same despair that she was calling out within him. Who was she to be able to say such things to him? Dacepaw, and Mossbloom, and Duskpaw, they already understood him. They didn't need to see the broken mess he was and he did not have to show them. All three had already accepted who he was. With this thought, the half-confidant grin returned to his maw. But he said nothing. Those large ears were trained on her speech, and he found himself unwilling to interrupt. While he had no idea of her past, this Lionspark seemed to claim they shared similar paths. He wasn't sure about that and it was expressed in a light scoff.

Why have the last laugh when you can laugh whenever?

He already did that, right? No cat could deny that. Houndpaw was certain. Although, Mossbloom had been able to quickly silence him over the moons. And it seemed that Lionspark was able to remove any talk from his tongue with just one embrace. Perhaps this wasn't as easy as it all seemed. He was losing confidence in himself by the moment but was unwilling to show it. His mind whirled in several directions, racing through moons of life, and his own internally struggle which had now been brought to the forefront. A frown cast over his expression and he stared at the ground. So already a couple seasons had passed in his life time. There were so many moons in his past now, even a delayed apprentice ceremony did not make his time truly any less short. When she mentioned Dustcloud, the tom finally felt himself take a breath. All he could manage was a nod before she stepped away. He had hardly spoken with his adoptive mother but maybe he could at least offer her a message from some dead cat.

As Lionspark faded, he desperately hoped the memory of her would fade away as well. But he knew somewhere deep inside that it wouldn't.