Roxanne (Closed)

Goldeneye was round and plump despite how gaunt her face looked, or how thin her legs looked or the fact that her ribs peaked out from beneath her fur. Wounds marred her once-sleek fur and her eyes seemed sunken, the rogue life not treating the she-cat well, especially since she was no warrior. She did not have to hunt for her food in Riverclan, she did not have to fight, and yet she was trying her best to do both in the shadows of two-leg territory. Goldeneye looked guiltily at her belly, the kits she held holding her back, so much so that she had to move from a safer territory to the frightening territory she was in now, for at least food was relatively easy to snatch as long as she was not fighting for it.

It made her sick, every bite she took had her yearning for Riverclans fish and shrews, but she had to do it, she had to do this to provide a great life for her kittens. She had to endure, had to push forwards, she was brave and strong and with no self-defense skills to speak of. Goldeneye wished that she knew where there were herbs, so she'd at least be prepared for birth, so she could heal her wounds and manage the setting infection. The Riverclan medicine cat looked to the stars barely visible past the looming canopy of grey, hard rocks, yearning for a simpler time, but did it ever really exist?

Getting to her paws the she-cat shakily padded from her make-shift den, if a low over-hanging ledge counted as one that was. Her golden pelt did nothing to hide her from any strange cats, the savagery in their gazes setting the queen on edge. Pressing her ears against the back of her head, she rounded a corner swiftly, knocking into another golden shape that was in much better shape. Fear almost immediately drenched the queen, her claws unsheathing as she looked up at the tom with defensive horror, her whole form stiff with shock. What was she to do?

The alleyway had never really been a place he felt called to frequent. But, today there was a reason. In the midst of those moons of boredom, this seemed like a golden opportunity for something else. Literally. Her coat shone like the shards of rock-like things his mother's walkers liked to put on their pelts, the gold-colored ones. Since spotting her a sunset before, Starlord had taken to calling her "Gold". It bothered him to see such a beautiful cat, or rather the shell of one, so ragged and heavy with kittens. Although he usually hated to get involved in things that did not really benefit him much, the ginger and white tom found himself hesitant to move beyond this area. Instead, he watched her. Alone. A target. The discomfort in his gut only churned more furiously than before.

"Gah!" Starlord growled to himself. He was pinned to this she-cat now. Protective instincts gave him no other option than to at least make sure she was okay before moving on. His blue eyes narrowed as they traced over the decaying and dingy paths. Trash was littered everywhere in this part of the walkerplace. This was certainly no place for bearing kits. As his mind wandered back to thoughts of the fluff lined nest he had been brought to the world in, he could not hold back the purr. A wonderful kithood had been spent at the stomach of his mother, nestled between his siblings. Before she was lost to them so young and their father had rescued them from the lives of housecats. Starlord was not disgusted by his kithood, nor that cats that chose to remain there, but personally it was not his style. He preferred the ability to live as he pleased.

A slight grin overtook his maw as he launched himself from the shiny fence not too far off. Filled with the general energy that he normally had, the tom bounded quickly towards the disheveled she-cat. Starlord slowed to a trot. Gold might not take kindly to intruders in her current state. He flexed his claws ready to defend himself in a hopefully quick moment of defense. Waiting for the right moment, he finally slipped out of the shadows to stand before where her path would lead her. By this time, his claws were tucked safely back into their sheaths. No need to provoke a fight. In an act of civility, the loner quickly settled down on his haunches in an effort to make himself less threatening. He was not prepared for when the very cat he was looking for ran headfirst into his chest, provoking a very shocked sounding, "Wha-?"

Starlord caught her gaze as she stepped back to face him and almost instantaneously glimpsed the primal fear. Oh... oh no... Worried slightly by the thought of driving the poor cat off, he jumped right into the only thing he really knew how to do, "Well, hey there, Gold. I saw you around these parts and found myself thinking 'that is a really fat cat'. But, you're not really far, you're probably pretty slim under normal circumstances. Anyways, I guess I just really wanted to ask if you need anything? Look, I don't mean to be impolite, but you don't look so hot. I'm Starlord, by the way. Starlord protector of this place and all things good or something like that."

By no means was this true in the slightest, the last part. His curiosity and desire to help was genuine, alongside the thought that having an ally could be useful and mean he would no longer be alone. But, it sounded pretty good, so he flashed his teeth in a non-threatening way as he awaited something from the golden rogue. His blue eyes shone with the sheepish-honestly of his soul as he sat there.

Goldeneye blinked, a sneer making it to her face as she was trying to decipher if what he was saying was genuine or a cruel joke. Wait- How did he even know her name? Or at least part of it... "Are you joking? How do you even know my suffix? I've never told any cat here... unless you know me? How do you know me?" Goldeneye meowed, her sense of fear driving her brashness as she stepped forwards if this tom knew of where she hailed from or knew of any connections towards Riverclan, this would have been all for naught. Her claws remained unsheathed, ready to strike her claws across his throat. Anything for her kits.

"You're what now...? I just, I mean your coat is Gold, right? I just needed something to call you when I saw you. Not that I was stalking you or anything, just a little concerned. But, uh, no I don't think I know you?" Starlord wasn't shocked by her defensiveness or questioning. For a moment, his eyes trailed over the heaving sides that stuck out, strained under her ragged and dingy pelt. A pang of disease settled in his own stomach. On his own, the tom was never worried. It was a mixture of a reckless fearlessness and a disregard for personal safety. This was a whole new situation. Exactly like when he'd traveled with the rest of the group. They had all been rather ridiculous idiots, getting into inescapable corners. But everyone always had each other's backs.

"Well, if its okay with you, we should really get somewhere better. I know a place. Plenty of good food too so we can really get you fattened up."

After, tilting his head behind him slightly, the loner turned in the direction of where he hoped there was still the unoccupied den. It was in his nature to continue moving from place to place and not settling anywhere for long at all. There had been somewhere though. Starlord had found a nice little cove in the lightly rotted yet still intact corner of a walker shelter. For a short while, he had collected odds and ends, scraps of brightly colored cloths, to line his lovely home. But he rarely stayed there. So many reaches of this place were undiscovered to him and he planned to know it all someday. That would be the perfect inhabitance for the she-cat. It was hidden, very well at that. Not a single cat had discovered it since he had about a moon ago. Although the walk would likely take a bit given the distance, he planned to stay with her through the arduous journey.

His pawsteps were light as he cast glances along their route. There was no doubt she was wary. Starlord just hoped she was trusting enough, or rather desperate enough, to simply come along. More than anything, he was worried about losing her or seeing her get hurt. StarClan forgive us. I try so hard to keep saving my own skin and yet I end up in place after place like this. Again, he assured himself that there was the possibility of allies somewhere. A cat couldn't be too safe. And if she came from somewhere, the faint smell of water and greenery on her coat betrayed she wasn't from here, there was perhaps resources and wealth. Starlord was used to living the good life, or at least striving for it, as he continued on in his endeavors. Usually it was with the rest of the group, however, he was left with his own devices for the time being. Hoping to thaw the ice between them, the tom meowed with his normal jovial edge, "So, where are you from Gold cat? Do you have a story?"

Goldeneye blinked, her fur falling flat slowly as she entertained the thought. A place where she could spend her pregnancy in safety? With good food? Goldeneye nodded stiffly, hesitant. Soon they were both moving towards this place, and against her own wishes, she was starting to hope. Then, the strange tom spoke, asking for her story and she almost stopped completely in her shock. Indecision plagued her mind suddenly as she tried to decide how much to tell, how much to lie.

"Well... to start my name is Goldeneye, and I'm a medicine cat of Riverclan..." She began, her meow a bit raspy. Soon she was spilling everything she could to the tom, about clan-life, what her role was... why she was out on her own now, and what her plan was. She told the whole story, her eyes watering with her deep sense of regret. While she loved these kits, she also regretted them, wanted nothing to do with the vermin crawling in her belly, risking her whole sense of living. Risked her life. The sense of disgust she held for the kits growing in her had been small at the end, but it was building and spiralling and she didn't know how to control it.

He padded along the dusty and unkempt, hard-path and felt his paws being rubbed uncomfortably raw. While they traveled, the tom tried to search for the softest parts to tread in order to avoid bleeding pads. As he led the way towards the abandoned den, paws picked over patches of rot and decay. And he listened to the story of the strange forest cat. Despite the fact that he had seen quite a few things in his lifetime, including rugged and ragtag groups of rogues, he had never known there to be large organized groups of cats. Starlord's ears pricked at the concept. Intrigue pulled him into the thoughts of this new world, and all the riches of prey and herbs that came with it. Interesting... He made note of that and tucked away the thought to a corner of his mind. Something to consider for later. In the meantime, as he soaked in this Goldeneye's background, fully intending on still calling her Gold, a low growl began to rumble in his throat.

Those trash heaps! They had everything and were supposedly so advanced and large and impressive. And yet they would condemn a she-cat for falling in love. His eyes grew dark as he looked over her dingy coat once more. The likely usually beautiful cat spoke in a raspy, low-tone that betrayed her poor health. She was also supposedly such a valued member of this 'clan' because of her role. And yet they had done this. Starlord could not help but picture the sweet satisfaction that would come with ripping the throats out of such horrible cats. After a while of listening, shot through with his own frustrated grumbles, the loner finally burst out, "Those bastards! What gives them the right... you have kittens and you're the leaf cat! And why didn't your mate stop this? If he's such a great leader... well, you know what? If a whole clan of cats can manage to take care of one of their own, I'm going to do it. I won't let anything happen to you or your kittens. I promise, Gold."

Starlord tried to grasp all of the information that she had laid out but found himself consumed with more disbelief and outrage than anything. By the time he finished speaking, the fire burning within the depths of his blue gaze had solidified to a decided steel. Although he had initially been in this with only an inkling of concern for the she-cat and more of a curiosity, his stomach now churned sickly at her position. All the way they continued on, his tail twitched with agitation at the tip. He wanted to find this so-called 'great' Riverclan and yowl their ears off about how ignorant they were. It hit him after a moment that he had no idea where this place was and it only frustrated him further. By the time they reached the small break in the fence and shortly after, the foundation of a nest, he was downright cross with the strange cats he had never met. Starlord glanced back at the medicine cat and forced something more gentle into his town, "Down here, Gold. It should be a find bed for you and the kittens."

"It's a tradition, a custom for us. I cannot heal if I have attachments that are stronger for certain cats, I have to see my clan as my kits, as my family. Starclan had picked this path for me, and I must follow it, I've understood this from when Cloudstone - the old medicine cat - had approached me at six moons. It was my lack of control that I had done what I did, to betray my code like I did maybe I deserve for this to happen. My ancestors put their faith in me, their trust, and I failed them. I'm lucky to have an apprentice, that she can hold Riverclan over with what little healing she knows until I go back... because despite what I've done, I know I need to go back, they won't survive without me though I don't think they'd even notice I'm gone until they need me." Goldeneye meowed, her jaw clenching at the dark thought.

"Jaystar, he needs to lead Riverclan. He has duties that require his constant presence, the forest needs a good leader most of all. I have seen a horrible leader come to power, war after war had been waged, devastation and blood dripped from every leaf. It had not been a good time... and with a prophecy that I received at the start of green-leaf, there seems to be no end to it. Which is why I have to do what I have to do, for the sake of Riverclan. They need their leader to stay in power, and these kits origins must be kept a secret, I'm the eldest medicine cat of all five clans so it's important that it's done so we can beat this threat. Because everything is so much bigger than me." Goldeneye meowed, trying to push the ginger tom to see that the clans were not as evil or horrible as they were, but who was she kidding?

"Being a medicine cat has always been isolating. It will never matter how we feel, we are the mice that feed the cats, the cats that feed the earth, and the earth that feed the mice." Goldeneye's eyes and whole face seemed to soften as the prospect of finally settling down somewhere safe and quiet, with lots of food to feed her kittens. Nodding gratefully to the bigger tom she slinked into the nest, her paws hit it and soon she was kneading it and settling down like a loaf, a near silent purr rumbling in her throat. "This is lovely, thank you." She mewed, finally taking the time to wash her fur in what felt like furever. Running her tongue over her paws and pelt had her whole face scrunching in disgust but she continued, normally she was so well-kept that it never tasted so horribly, apart from when she was licking her clan-mates blood off her legs. "Oh Starclan, this is almost as bad as licking blood off my paws. I don't know which is worse." The she-cat echoed the thought, but as she processed what she said she couldn't help but stop licking and stare into space, remembering all of the instances that she had to do this routine.

Her sons... her daughters... her mate... her clan-mates, missing limbs, eyes, ears... the prophecy. Goldeneye choked, her eyes watering at the thought, she had grown desensitized but being away for so long had softened her despite the horribleness of trying to survive alone with basic apprentice fighting skills. Her jaw clenched again, her shoulders and neck stiffening with the growing effort to not break down in front of this kind stranger, he had taken her in after all and had shown that he would provide for her, he did not need to shoulder her insecurities too. She had to push through it, swallow it down, shove it away and never let it see daylight again. Demons inside the golden she-cats head showed themselves, tearing her down again, 'weak, selfish, needy,' she would not be sleeping soundly tonight. As if she ever did to begin with.

Starlord's tail did not stop lashing as she began to train their tradition. He didn't see how having attachments within the clan would make a difference. If your family was your clan, wouldn't it make it easier to be attached to all of them? Why would it make a difference? The questions swam around in his brain only making him more aggravated than before. It was decided that even if this cat was okay, this so-called clan was one that he was happy to be a part of, and glad that Gold was no longer with. Maybe she could have a better life out here with her kits and she wouldn't have to go back? His head shook ever so slightly. Why did he already feel such a strong kinship with this cast out healer cat?

"You're a good cat, " He muttered, slightly confused by this talk of ancestors and prophecies, "who deserves a mate who would stand by her through all this. Regardless of those stupid traditions and rules, you don't deserve this life. He should have just told them and stood up for you and you go back to living your life and doing your best. And they should have accepted it. I would have stood up for you." His blue eyes flickered away to stare at a splintered edge of the nest. Although Starlord was a bit lost in his own mind, he nodded absentmindedly as she finished off her tale of the grander design. Those sort of things were what he never bothered to trouble his mind with. None of that mattered. The moment mattered. Although, Rocket would have found this cat humorous. He chuckled at the thought softly.

Her exclamation broke his brief distraction. It was true this place was rather foul and known for leaving an awful taste. He was here more due to the fact that some deeply rooted part didn't want to go far from where he had last lost his kin and friends. With a flick of his ear, something came to mind, "There some plant near here that doesn't taste awful. It washes it away!" The ginger patched tom dashed away to the other side of the nest and tore away some soft tendrils of a plant with a low crunch. Within a moment, he was back and dropping mint at the medicine cat's paws. Starlord nudged it forward and cocked his head, "You know the plants better than I do, but I know this one hasn't killed me yet so hopefully its okay for the kittens too."

Goldeneye's fur seemed to heat as the tom seemed to suggest them being something greater, or so she thought, but she didn't let herself dwell on it or give it any recognition. When he whisked away to only come back she noticed the mint that was held in his jaws before being dropped at her paws. "This is Mint, it has no medicinal properties so it can do no harm but no good either. We use it to hide the scent of our dead." Goldeneye meowed, but regardless she wanted the foul taste out of her mouth so she picked it up in her jaws and gave it a chew before swallowing, cringing at the intense taste.

Goldeneye was about to speak once more, but a spasm sent what felt to be lightening up and down her spine an audible gasp from it escaping the queen. The she-cat tried to lay her fur flat once more, supposing that it was just a false alarm or one of those spasms she got every once in a while but as if to curse her thoughts she was rocked with another stronger spasm. Yet, with the sudden realization that her kits were coming didn't put the thought of this whole situation being awkward out of her head. She had just met this stranger, and she was about to bring life into the world in front of him, dear Starclan. What was her life?

"I know this is a bit rude of me but, would it be alright if I could get some time alone for a good, long while? It's just that- my kits are coming and uh... yeah." Goldeneye sputtered, she knew that it'd be a little while longer until she was ready to start pushing, but having the stranger away while she could go through the process alone would be a comfort.

As she told him about the name of the herb, he nodded. One of his group might have known that they knew all kinds of things, but he did not. Starlord was grateful for the knowledge that she passed onto him. Even if it did nothing for her other than drown out the awful taste of twolegplace, that was something. The tom sat back on his haunches just outside of the space he had provided her as a den. Although the heaviness of the air foretold rain, he didn't think she wanted any company curling up next to her in the small hole. Maybe he could hunt in the meantime. There were few places for prey to hide here, and where it did, he could dig it out.

His blue eyes glanced back just in time to see the pained expression on her face. Starlord cocked his head ever so slightly with concern. Was there something else wrong with her? When she finally spoke, he understood. His ears heated up and his heart seemed to stop for a moment, "K-kits? I don't know, Gold..." A pregnant she-cat was one thing, a pregnant she-cat in labor was another thing. Starlord had no idea how to deal with that sort of thing. His paws shuffled awkwardly over the ground for a moment as he tried to gather his bearings. When she asked him to leave, there was only more uncertainty. An almost frozen expression came across his features and he finally said, "Well, okay. I'm going to hunt. We probably need a lot of food anyway."