I'm Not Ready [closed]

The rich darkness of the early morning sky was faintly illuminated with the soft, watery colors of the slowly rising sun that lingered just below the jagged outline of the Highstones. The lush grasses and reeds that fringed the small island of RiverClan's camp was heavily laden with freshly fallen dew, softening the cool morning air with the sweet taste of humidity. Carefully concealed within the outer edges of the well-sheltered Nursery, Sunfish was limply sprawled out across a supple carpet of freshly gathered mosses and feathers, the sour stench of illness practically dripping from her poorly-groomed fur. What had once started as a irksome and unpleasant itch in the back of her throat had bled into a strange illness that was marginally more concerning. Although Stormstrike had caught it as well, likely due to the evening they had spent together fooling about in that forsaken field, it didn't seem to effect the tom nearly as drastically. The ill-boding combination of Sunfish's newfound pregnancy and her odd illness only served to frighten the young she-cat even more. What was happening to her? Heavy lids flickering open sluggishly, the young tabby's gaze was unfocused as she haphazardly gazed out of the Nursery.

A sharp cramp, unlike anything she had ever felt before, sparked to life within the center of her tender belly, making her fidget uneasily. Even the slightest movements such as that often resulted in fierce coughing fits that tore through her with such vehemence that she often couldn't breathe for several moments afterwards. Whatever sickness this was, whether it was Greencough or something else, it was truly ravaging her until nothing remained. Wheezing weakly in the aftermath of such a terrible hacking fit, Sunfish's feverish and partially delirious mind hardly understood the fact that the fierce cramping that she was currently experiencing was due to the fact that her kits were coming now. Cheek resting heavily upon the soft mosses that had been carefully situated beneath her head, the little tabby let out a pitiful string of noises. "Gold.." Speaking was quite difficult, mainly due to the fact that practically everything made her cough so terribly, "Goldeneye..." Sunfish was finally able to whine out the Medicine Cat's name, unable to even properly lift her head to search for the golden-furred molly.

Goldeneye glared at the herbs in front of her, the young medicine cat at a loss for a combination of herbs for Sunfish. The pregnant she-cat wasn't responding to them as well as she should have been, Stormstrike was steadily getting better under her careful eye at least. Maybe the reason why was because Sunfish was burdened with a litter, and it was weakening her? Goldeneye's lips pressed together apprehensively, there must be something she could do? Goldeneye bent her head to pick up the bundle of herbs before her. As she stepped out to looked to the stars that still dimly flickered as the sun started to rise, praying that she could figure this out, that she could help Sunfish beat the strange bout of Greencough. As if at the thought a gust of wind whipped towards her, bringing Sunfish's small voice towards her.

She was rushing towards the nursery with bristling fur, what she saw made the she-cats belly curl and bile rise up in her throat. The stench of sickness was a lot worse than when she had checked on her before the sun disappeared under the trees. The obvious weakness of the she-cat had Goldeneye worried to her bones, her thoughts screaming at her that the young queen wouldn't make it. Like she would let Starclan take her that easy, she's saved every single one of her clan-mates, surely she could get Sunfish to pull through? Almost cautiously the medicine cat settled next to the she-cat, pressing her paws against her belly after she set her herbs down. "Hey Sunfish, you with me? I need you to push on your next contraction, alright? Push as soon as it comes and stop as it ends. You need to be strong for me, for your kits and Stormstrike, alright?" Goldeneye gently coo'ed, pushing her paws down on her belly to try to help push the kits out despite it being an un-orthodox method.

She spared no thought for asking for help, for Stormstrike to exert himself to get moss and give his mate comfort. She didn't need her attention divided. She needed to save Sunfish and her kits, because if Sunfish was too weak to push the kits out then Sunfish and the kits would die.

Catching one final glimpse of the watery sky that softly illuminated the looming darkness of the surrounding woodlands, Sunfish's sticky eyelids slowly drifted shut once more, too exhausted to continue waiting for Goldeneye. The Queen's flank shakily swelled and deflated every stray heartbeat or so, a raspy sigh catching in her throat in time with her frighteningly shallow breathing. Irrational from both the agonizing fever that raged within her veins and the cruel contractions that wracked her defeated form, she didn't even realize that the Medicine Cat was now crouched alongside her. Although she tried desperately to force a sense of alertness into her sluggish mind, all of her responses seemed delayed and muted as another fierce coughing fit rattled her sore lungs. Letting out a weak groan in response to Goldeneye's soft encouragement, Sunfish strained desperately in time with the next powerful wave, although it felt futile on her part.

"I-I..." Sunfish managed to exhale out, worn features creasing with the effort of speaking, "Don't want-" Another vicious hacking fit interrupted the nonsensical rambling, making her limp form go stiff for a brief moment. It was terribly frightening to be in such a situation- to be so ill that she couldn't even speak while trying to deliver a litter of kits she hadn't even anticipated ever having. Tiny crystalline tears welled up within the corners of her tightly sealed eyes, stinging her eyes with their unwelcomed warmth. Sunfish had been abandoned by her own parents, left to forge a path through life with little to no guidance or love. What if she was fated to do the same to her own kits?

"Sunfish!" Stormstrike burst into the nursery, his usually-sleek fur in complete disarray. His wide summer-yellow eyes roved the darkened den for a moment before landing on the young brown she-cat, sprawled on the floor of the nursery. Ripples ran down her flank, her eyes shut tight in pain. Immediately the dark tom was at her side, running his nose through her fur anxiously. Something was happening; he couldn't tell what, but it was surely something much worse than a simple battle wound. This was internal, heightened by the sickly-sweet scent of disease that clung to her fur. "Sunfish..." He murmured, struggling to gain control of the situation. He had to find a way to hold on to something real and known... like the ground beneath his feet or the sun filtering into the nursery, golden and warm.
Golden... That was something real. Something he could see. Something he could fight. "Goldeneye, what's happening to her?" He rounded on the golden she-cat, his feathery tail slashing through the air. Blinded by fear, the young tom felt a burning desire to find something- anything -to blame for Sunfish's sudden pain. Goldeneye was a medicine cat, wasn't she? It was her job to keep cats healthy. "Fix her! She's... she... That's what you medicine cats do, isn't it?"

"C'mon Sunfish, you have to stay strong okay? I can't do anything for you or your kits if you quit okay?" Goldeneye meowed, just as Stormstrike crashed into the den, the moment he laid eyes on her and the way his body language shifted... she bared her teeth, suddenly more on edge than she was previously. "I'm trying my best, son but it's all up to Sunfish now. The kits lives are in her paws, I can only help her along." Goldeneye meowed, trying to calm her adoptive son, her paws moving against Sunfish's belly, hoping it was enough to help the she-cat push.

The malignant illness was deeply entrenched within Sunfish's veins. The strange variation of Greencough easily overcame what little defenses her severely weakened body managed to produce, tearing through her heaving from with a vengeance. The young Queen was treading the delicate line between consciousness and the comforting land of dreams, leaning heavily towards the blissful escape of the realm of the never-waking until Stormstrike's nose was sifting through her sweat dampened fur. The sound of the tom's frenzied voice was the only thing that made her stir. Vacant gaze rimmed with the  sticky tendrils of feverish fluid, her pupils pinned at the intensity of her next contraction. Exerting what little remained of her rapidly dissipating energy into the final contraction that felt as though it literally tore her in half, Sunfish's raspy voice rose into a keening moan as three kits were finally brought into the world. Two were sturdy little toms, whose slender little forms appeared to be miraculously free of any lingering signs of illness. The third kid, a small she-kit, was twisted and still in a peculiar position - clearly dead before she had even been able to take her first breath.

The air became sharp with the rich scent of freely flowing blood as Sunfish's life force faded with each erratic beat of her strained heart. Too weak to lift her head to try and catch a glimpse at her newborn kits, her dimming gaze instead focused on Stormstrike with what little strength she still possessed. Dark blotches obscured the majority of her vision, yet they did little to dim the memories that lingered beyond her eyes. It was odd to think how little time she had truly spent with the tom, and yet she had come to love him quite fiercely. The night that they had spent together under the stars was the one comfort that softened her rapidly encroaching death. What she wouldn't give to spend one more single evening chasing after those sweet little lights.

"N-Name them..." Sunfish finally whispered, eyes slowly drifting shut for the final time. She was so tired, so very very tired. Breathing gradually slowing into only the occasional rise and fall of her flank, the Queen looked pitifully small and young in her current state. Once she heard their names, she would sleep.



ooc) here's their names/descriptions if you don't remember lol
;;;;; click

Another fluffy little body came out soon after his brothers. The tom used his sense of smell, smelling many different scents all at once. It was a lot to take in, but soon he mewled out for his mother and began shuffling towards her. He was hungry and he needed to eat now. Soon he reached his mother's stomach. He felt her fur and knew he was in the right place to search for food.

Stormstrike sucked in a trembling breath as Goldeneye bared her fangs, turning his brilliant yellow eyes away from the golden Medicine cat as if he could hardly bear to look at her. The large silver tom sat down heavily, trying to get as close to his mate as possible. Maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to take away a fraction of her pain. What he would give to take it all...
Stormstrike drew his large, feathery tail around his body, gently pressing his cold nose against Sunfish's burning fur. Shock rippled through his body, making him incapable of doing anything other than watch as his mate fought for her life. This was something he had been taught to fear since he could walk. This was what claimed the life of his mother. When he had been a kit, listening to the story with wide eyes, he couldn't imagine what Jaystar had felt. Now that he was experiencing it himself, he was struck with the shocking helplessness that he was struggling to process. Sunfish, the love of his life, was locked fang-to-fang in a deadly battle, and Stormstrike could do nothing to stop it. He should've seen it coming. He should've known. Given his family's history, the sickness he had felt that night... He should've known.
The tom shuddered as he felt his mate tense once more, her paws shaking with the pain that wracked her body. "I'm... I-I... I'm so... so sorry." Stormstrike's shoulders shook with silent sobs, his breath rasping in his throat. "Sunfish... my love..."
"N-Name them..."

The large, fluffy tom gasped as he felt her exhale, her body relaxing. "O-Of course, my love... o-of course." Stormstrike turned his attention to the kits. His kits. And, in the glory of the flaming sunset, the tom's golden gaze saw the beauty of the stars it left behind. "Aspenkit..." The word felt... right. Even as he gazed down at the little brown tom, his fur shot through with the same markings that covered Stormstrike's own pelt, he could sense his mate's power radiating from him. He could almost feel Ivystar's loving ferocity, Jaystar's clever mind, Sunfish's strength. "He-" His breath caught in his throat. "He will grow to be a strong warrior, Sunfish. W-Wise as the t-trees themselves." The tall tabby swallowed, shifting his soft gaze onto the next of their litter. The secondborn, a tom with fur as soft as the stars, reminiscent of the flash of white on a cresting wave. Powerful yet gentle, bright in the purity of the setting sun. "Lightkit." Once again, the word settled over them all. He'll shine, Sunfish. I know he will. His mind w-will be as bright as his heart."
With a small shudder, Stormstrike nudged the last of their litter. His daughter, her fur a beautiful mix of gold and gray, with a splash, just a hint, of white on her narrow chest. She was taken too soon, long before she was even given a chance at life. Her body was sodden and cold, curled and limp. She was the fading light over the horizon, the final flash of golden before the world was plunged into darkness. She was the whisper of the river as it lapped against the shore. She was the murmur of the reeds as the wind rushed through them. She was the stillness, the silence before the first flash of lightning.
She was dead. And she was beautiful.
"Our daughter. Our beautiful, beautiful daughter." Stormstrike could hardly speak now, the amount of emotion stirring inside him seemed to flow out of him, making him incapable of communicating his feelings. "She will be named S-Sunkit, of course." The large tom shook, ducking to press his forehead against his mate's. "They're beautiful, Sunfish. All of them."

The faintest whisper of a purr was softly exhaled upon Stormstrike's features, rippling the dark sea of fur that rested heavily against Sunfish's weary form. The tabby's ears twitched in a lackluster display of movement as she listened to her mate's words with a rapidly dwindling sense of attention. Although she was much too weak to properly look at her children, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that they were perfect in every sense of the word. Ribs lifting one final time in a movement that was tremulous and odd at best, the fiery licks of pain that had seemingly taken up a comfortable residence within the tender base of her spine had fallen into nothing more than a dull simmer. In place of any stubbornly lingering pain or fierce rush of maternal instincts, there was only the coolest tingling that felt barely tangible within the tips of her paws. She was dying, the muted realization that sparked a dwindling light within her foggy mind only garnered a slight sense of resigned sorrow. Did it have to happen so soon already? Only a little more time would've been nice. The cool, soft earth that cradled the gentle dip in the earth that was the Nursery had steadily grown damp with Sunfish's free-flowing blood. Perhaps just long enough to see their eyes open for the first time.

The sky was properly illuminated with the weak warmth of the early morning as the sun finally broke free from the tight clutches of the Highstones. The terrible night, plagued with a sorrowful silence that was only broken by the occasional sounds of distress, was suddenly forgotten as the forest stirred to life in a sudden breath. Despite the terrible occurrence that Stormstrike had been fated to witness, the world kept moving. Soft tendrils of light eagerly crept across the shade of the Nursery, bathing the quiet inhabitants in brilliant swathes of sweet sunlight. With a soft keening noise that was barely discernible among the pitiful cries of her newborn kits, Sunfish finally slipped from the realm of the living with only the fantasies of an impossible future to soften her inevitable passing, leaving behind only silence.