His Web of Despair (OPEN)

Spiderpaw buried his face in his forepaws. He whimpered and trembled, softly crying. Everything was awful. Life was awful. He just couldn't get the terrifying scent of Blossomheart's death out of his nose. She couldn't get the terrifying scene of her biological mother broken and bloody out of his head. Why did his mother's death have to be the very first thing he saw when he opened his eyes for the first time in the nursery? Blossomheart's death triggered the horrific images and the same feeling of despair and loneliness he had felt before, and now it felt like the pit in his stomach would never go away.

And to make matters worse, Raccoonpaw would not stop taunting and teasing him. Ever since he first left the nursery, the apprentice would always give him a hard time, and now it was even worse now that he had to share his mentor Cloudroar. He always felt lost whenever he was away from Alderpaw's side, but he felt unsafe with Raccoonpaw. Why couldn't he just stay a kit forever? Why did he have to be born into SkyClan? Why did his mothers have to die?

"Mama... Blossomheart... Come back... I miss you... Come baaack!..."

Fawnpaw was no stranger to what Spiderpaw often seemed to be feeling, though she was unsure of how intense his emotions were. She did not really know Spiderpaw too well, but she knew that he needed a companion more than he ever did before. Getting to her paws from her nest she padded carefully to her den-mates side, her paw probing at his shoulder as she smiled softly. How would she ever be able to console him? She had no voice in which to do it! Fawnpaw pressed her lips together, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and pulling him close leaving him room and time to pull away if he did not want a hug.

Fawnpaw softly pulled away, looking away and betraying slight embarrassment. It was weird just up and hugging your den-mate without a word of warning.

-S-Spiderpaw?-

Alderpaw just got the news... and of course he wanted to search and fight the responsible, but his brother needed him now more than ever.

He padded over him and crouched by his side, licking his fur trying to comfort him.

-It´s okay brother... i´m here... we´re in this together, okay?... You´re not alone, brother-

Out of the corner of his sharp eye, Raccoonpaw could easily spot Spiderpaw trembling inordinately beneath his own scarlet paws. He yearned to prowl over to the fellow apprentice and mock him for showing such weakness, but he could see that cats were slowly starting to surround him. Curses. Figuring the dark-colored tom had nothing better to do with his time, he rose to his paws and slunk to Spiderpaw, towering over him. Raccoonpaw knew he couldn't say something cruel when all these cats were within earshot, so instead, he said something he would never expect to start something "good."

OOC: ooo the foreshadowing you asked for yosh that i interpreted horribly

"Hey, Spiderpaw." He meowed, this probably being the first time he had called the apprentice by his given name. "Stop trembling like a little kit under a badger." The tom could spot Alderpaw's eyes blazing in anger at him, but he continued. "I hear you mumbling. Blossomheart's death happened moons ago. What good is it doing you, crying everytime you think of her? Listen here, Spiderpaw, and listen well." He meowed, nearly hissing. "Wailing isn't going to help you. Not her, not Alderpaw, or anyone else. Do you think Blossomheart would look at you now with pride when you cower and tremble just at the thought of her? She wouldn't want you to constantly live in, guilt, or whatever it is you're feeling, just from her. Do you think that makes her feel good?"


"Get on your feet. She would want a strong warrior, not someone who's too easily overwhelmed by emotions."

The tortoiseshell gave a soft squeak of surprise when he felt a cat's leg wrap around him, and he looked up to see his denmate Fawnpaw. He didn't know her, but he didn't care about that. He was just happy she was here to support him. He whined softly and pressed gently against her flank, already feeling comforted; the feeling grew more intense when his brother approached him as well. He nuzzled into the affectionate, gentle grooming.

And then Raccoonpaw came along. He yelped softly and cowered before him. He hated this fake persona of his, pretending to care about him around other cats but being super mean to him whenever he was alone or with Alderpaw. More tears fell down his cheeks as the apprentice began to speak, but they weren't just from fear. He couldn't believe he was admitting this, but he was right. Would Blossomheart and his mother and father want him to spend the rest of his life mourning for them? He would always miss them, of course, but... did that have to be all that he did? His mother died from the wounds of a badger attack, but she gave her life to protect SkyClan. She gave her life to protect him and his brother. Surely sitting around moping and feeling sorry for himself all day shouldn't be his way of repaying her for her sacrifice.

Spiderpaw sniffled, trying to control his tears, and he slowly stood up, though his head was low and his ears were folded back. "I...I'll t-try... Th-Thanks, everyone... E-Even you, Raccoonpaw..." He dared to look up at the older apprentice, and he gave him a small, timid smile.

Huffing, Raccoonpaw stared at him, trying to hide even the tiniest bit of embarrassment he had. "D-don't get the wrong idea from this, you kit! It's not like I was trying to help you or anything!" the tom stuttered with a growl before hastily padding away.

OOC: i love making raccoon a tsundere; this is hilarious

Clearkit had been padding towards the medicine den, hoping to find a temporary escape in all of the flowers and herbs. Rippedstar's death still seemed to weigh heavily down of his siblings, and he couldn't bare to see them sad. Grief was a popular emotion, he realized. Though he didn't really understand it, apparently other cats had an instinctual need to feel it after death. As much as that fact saddened him, he was also curious. Why didn't they see that their clanmates were going to a better place, where they would be happier? In truth, he saw any nostalgia having to do with death as rather selfish, wanting to change destiny just so you can be with a loved one, rather than them being happy. But other cats didn't see it that way. And sometimes the only way to deal with that was solitude, surrounded by beauty. But then he saw it. A tiny creature, way smaller than the smallest kit, thin with eight legs. Like an insect, but crawling instead of flying. He believed he had heard of them once. Spiders, they were called. The way its legs danced as it walked intrigued him, and how it seemed so sure of every step even though it had twice as many legs as he did. Following the arachnid, he accidentally bumbled into an apprentice's leg. Sadly watching the spider go, he let out a quiet whimper.
"Good bye little spider. May your legs dance beautifully forever," he mewed in farewell, before looking at who he had bumped into. Spiderpaw! That was amusing, a spider him to a cat with a shared name. Before he could laugh, he saw that the older tom had been crying, and that they had been talking about Blossomheart's death. Just another example of instinctual grief. Now he was starting to see it as a big problem that he should learn more about if he ever wanted to solve it. "If I may ask, why did you weep? Over a new happiness granted to your mother? I'm curious about why death causes such grief, when we all know that the stars contain happiness when it is your time to go."

Spiderpaw gave a startled yelp when he felt something bump into his leg, his fur bushed out and his eyes wide. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself back down when he realized it was just one of the kits who was looking up at him. At the rather unexpected question from someone so young, the oddly-patterned tom looked down at his paws sadly. "W-Well... It's just... now I won't ever see either mother ever again, at least not until I die. But... I-I just can't live a life without their love and support and their comfort. I really m-miss Blossomheart's voice and her scent and her touch. I miss my first mother, too, and... it d-doesn't help at all that the f-first thing I saw when I opened my eyes in the nursery was... w-was...!" He couldn't even get that part of the story out without collapsing into another fit of sobs. Why, oh, why did the very first thing he had to see was his dead mother?

Crowpaw had been reduced to only a slightly more composed version of Spiderpaw. Her father, her father figure, and her best friend's mother had all died. "I see where you're coming from, Clearkit... and it does bring me some relief. But like Spiderpaw said, we won't ever see her again... at least, not for many moons. How can you bear being so happy? Don't you miss her at all?"