Starry Starry Night (Closed)

Everything seemed much more beautiful at night. The light that shined against the river, most of which was rippling, but the icy patches glimmering even brighter. The shadows hid the messiness of the dens, and the moonlight brought out the beauty of the shells an stones that they decorated it with. Everything seemed serene, with no cats arguing or orders for patrols being shouted over the racket. Once forced to stay in one place for moons, one tended to nice everything about it. In a place they wanted to be, they saw it more and more appealing every day. If they didn't want to be there, everything that was wrong with it seemed much more obvious. The way that hardly any clanmates got along, how the dens were almost never cleaned out properly. Even just how different fish looked from morning to night. The scent of the bloodied and wounded stood out, and the amount of cats that got wounded every day seemed so much larger. RiverClan didn't seem like the best place in the world anymore. But at night, everything was different. Nutfur wasn't bothered by any clanmates who deemed her a traitor, and everything was so much more mystical. Like the place she had grown up in. Before Echopaw, before the Mist, before the war. Before everything that had ruined her life. And it was all caused by loving too much. From her forbidden romance as an apprentice to her love for righteousness, that emotion no longer seemed like a goof thing. Now it was a terrifying, and threat to a happy life even. A single fish lay at her paws, and she looked at the endless abyss of stars above her as she descaled it. Now she preferred do do nearly everything at night, and she had even taken to sleeping during the day. Soon she had a fish and a pile of scales sitting at her paws. The moonlight reflected gray and blue light from the translucent colored scales, and for a while she just stared at it, mesmerized. Taking a bite of her fish, she wondered if this punishment was really so bad after all. After all, she was spared of the hard duties of a warrior. It hadn't been hard to notice that she wasn't quite as fit anymore, and she wasn't even allowed to swim to get some exercise. But at the moment, all was well. The peace of the night enveloped her. At this time, she was at least partially free.

Spotfur had almost forgotten about the other cats he thought were pretty. Almost. He had truly given up on Ravenflight and Dewshine, but he couldn't get Nutfur out of his head, even after he had kits with Smokewish. It was wrong, wasn't it? It wasn't against the code, but that didn't mean it was okay. You thought the same about loving Wolfsong. Did that mean that having two she-cats by his side was good? Either way, he considered Nutfur a friend. But he didn't know her very well. A decision ensued. He padded up to the she-cat who was eating. "Do you ever get lonely or bored, stuck here in camp?" He asked. Hopefully, he didn't sound rude.

"I guess. Even Sweetheart's in the nursery most of the time, so I can't even really hang out with her," Nutfur replied, not seeming surprised by Spotfur's presence. Of course, she actually was not at all expecting him to come up to her, but there was no reason to make a big deal about that. It was his words that truly startled her. They were polite enough, even if they were a bit intrusive, but the thing that stood out to her was she had just been thinking about the subject. She had thrown together a quick and true response, somehow managing to hide everything that she was thinking. Maybe she had become so accustomed to it by now that it was merely second nature. Looking at the tom, she assured herself that he wasn't stalking her or something. That was probably the first thing everyone in the clan thought to ask her. Either that or something about being a traitor. But she knew that he was nice enough, and in a few moments her suspicions simply disappeared. Though he had spoken openly about being against the war, he seemed to have also learned when to keep his mouth shut. That showed that he had a righteous mind and had grown to be smart. Those were two qualities that she respected. Though still as she awaited what he would say next, she knew for a fact that she would analyze and judge every word. Unfortunately, her life had come to a point where she had to do it. He was good friends with Ivystar, so she could never be too careful.

OOC: oh wow I'm good friends with Ivystar now. Good to know. also sorry short trash

IC: Spotfur thought about this, but not for too long. "Oh. Well... you can hang out with me sometimes if you want." It was true, Sweetheart was always cooped up in the nursery being sad about Shadepaw. Nutfur's words seemed like they had been recited or uncaring. Surely she felt more than that?

"Oh, o-okay. Thanks for the offer, I'll keep it in mind," Nutfur sputtered, suddenly feeling a bit flustered. Didn't Spotfur have better things to do then hang out with someone who the clan saw as a traitor? And more importantly, why did she feel like this was exclusive to her? Did he just ask her out? This didn't make sense, nothing about this situation did. Right now he was ruining the peace of what was going to be a tranquil night simply by being there. Part of her mind still wondered if he was just offering that to see if she was a traitor. In a heartbeat that thought vanished. He seemed to honest, to honorable. She just couldn't believe by looking at him that he could possibly have motives other than to keep her company. Being a good friend was a good thing, and that was all he was trying to do. Or was it? His tone seemed almost flustered. A sign she recognized all to well from herself. And to her horror, it was an emotion that she was currently feeling. Something she hadn't felt since Echopaw. The one thing that she knew would never work out well for her. Yet looking at him, something told her that it wasn't always a bad thing. That didn't stop it from scaring her. Maybe this was a misunderstanding on her part, and he was just trying to be nice. That was all. Right?

Spotfur tried to smile. She seemed so... nervous. He had to ask. "Why do you do it?" He blurted. "Why do you act like you don't care? Like you're trying to seem emotionless? Is it because you're hardened from the accusations? Is it because you're afraid to feel? Afraid to lose? I don't understand. You just seem so... calm. Sure, it's a beautiful and peaceful night, but it's just... It's like you don't care when I know you do- and I'm sure others know you do too."

"It seems like a don't care?" Nutfur seemed a little surprised at hearing that, but not exactly in a bad way. She had assumed her seething rage and inner conflicts would show at least a little bit. Maybe her acting skills had gotten better than she had thought. But that was only one of Spotfur's many questions. Emotionless wasn't exactly what she was going for, unbothered was more like it in actuality. And it wasn't that she was afraid to feel, she was afraid of others knowing how she felt. Anything could be used to prove she was a traitor. Also, there was that one feeling that she was scared of, but that was only one emotion. One that treated others well but never had a happy ending for her. The last question could have many meanings. Her clan was the only thing that she was scared of losing. Well, Cobwebkit as well, but he was different. It was only then that a question came to her mind. Why was he asking her this? Only two reasons seemed plausible, and neither of them she liked. "Emotions are a dangerous thing. I have no intention of not having them, but not letting others know is necessary. Some cats use everything I say and do as evidence that I'm some sort of traitor. I only really act like myself around cats I can trust." That included Finchstream, but not the tom she was talking to. "I'm not afraid to feel most things, I actually see the benefits of both anger and and joy. There is only one emotion I'm scared to feel, but that's beside the point. Night does make me calm. No cats rushing about, and moonlight brings out beauty. I do care, you're right. I do care that everyone think's I'm someone I'm not. I do care that ThunderClan killed my former apprentice and cats still think I like them over my own clan. I do care that I spend so many days alone. But is there any point in making a big deal out of it? No one will change their mind, and a fuss would probably lengthen my punishment. So why should I show that I care?" Now she stopped, and looked the warrior straight in the eye. "But this is none of your business. Why are you even asking?"

Spotfur sighed. "I'm not asking you to make a big deal, I was just... I get that you don't want more "evidence" against you but it seems like you don't care about anything, even yourself, and that's dangerous." Then he looked her right back as if challenging her. "I care about ALL of my clanmates, loyal or not. I'm asking because I'm afraid, Nutfur. I'm afraid to love anyone but Smokewish, I'm afraid to lose anyone, I'm afraid of unfeeling cats, because if they don't care, they could do things that any other cat wouldn't."

"You don't understand, I do care. Just because I don't show it doesn't mean I don't feel it." Nutfur quickly decided not to list some things she cared about, still a little suspicious that Spotufr might share this conversation with Ivystar later. Her hazel eyes met his challenging gaze, showing no indication of feeling at all threatened. His first sentence calmed her, and it was strange how quickly she accepted his words as the truth. They made sense, and his tone was so honest. She just knew that he couldn't be lying. So she listened with an open mind. That is, until she heard him say the word "love". Her heart skipped a beat, and she tried her best to keep from showing any outward signs of fear, though she had no idea how well she much she was succeeding. He loved someone other than Smokewish, and was talking to her about it. It didn't take more than a heartbeat to jump to conclusions. Now everything pointed to her suspicion. Even that fluttery feeling inside her chest. As he kept talking, she knew she couldn't show what she was feeling. Strange, she was about to do what he was telling her not to. But it didn't matter, because it needed to be done. Oddly, her words came out with a strange sense of urgency. "We're all afraid. But you don't have to worry about me not having feelings, there are a lot you can't see bottled up inside of me. You're afraid to love anyone but Smokewish? You're afraid to lose someone? Well I'm afraid to love at all, and only there are only three loved ones left for me to lose. So you aren't the only one who is scared, but I'm not what you should be scared about of for."

Spotfur was beginning to understand. Sometimes he held in his own emotions because the time wasn't right. He tried to keep his own voice steady. "What makes you think you aren't? Is it because everyone sees you as a traitor? I worry about Sweetheart too. I worry about everyone, because unlike SOME cats," Like Shadepaw, he silently thought, "I have compassion towards all of my Clanmates. I'm wasting my worry on you because I l- I care." That was a close one. He had almost given it away... This she-cat who badly needed love, was too scared to.

OOC: crap now they're just arguing
guess we have to make it a Disney movie
if the characters don't get along when they talk to each other, they get married later. Disney fact.

"It's not for any of reasons. It's because I'm not a danger to anyone and no one is a danger to me. I think you're kind to feel worry towards all your clanmates, and it's nice to know I'm worried about in that sense. It is nice to know that somebody cares." The statements about danger were both lies. She was a danger to herself. But there was no way that she was telling that to Spotfur anytime soon. Her ears perked up in confusion as he stumbled over his last few words, but then flattened immediately. Once again, her heart started banging against the inside of her chest. Now she was sure her hunch was correct. He had a crush on her. And the fluttery feeling in her stomach told her that she felt the same way. She shouldn't. Because of Smokewish. Because of Echopaw. But she had long since learned how little control she had over her emotions. Feeling couldn't be controlled, but actions could. Still, she couldn't just sit there and stare dumbly at him. "I noticed your outburst as an apprentice. I wondered how someone could be so righteous and foolish at the same time. I can see you've changed from being foolish. Have you changed in the other way as well?"

Spotfur hoped she hadn't caught it. He had been getting better about his stutter, but maybe he could pass it off as a misspeak. But that little ear movement unsettled him. He had to stop giving clues. Surprisingly, he had no response to her first statement. But she did ask him a question and he was going to answer. "Righteous... That's a funny way to put it. I suppose that part's changed somewhat in growing up. Though all this death and war certainly doesn't help. I wouldn't argue with Ivystar's choices very much anymore, but the amount of prey and herbs they brought back... I still don't like it. I suppose there is hope, small sparks in the dark treachery of the world. I'd like to think that you and I are such sparks."

"I agree. Sense can be seen in Ivystar's decisions, but some things are too far. We would have survived without all those herbs, and the prey was definitely not needed. Now WindClan is probably starving with untreated wounds, barely even able to stand. I know it's better them than us, but there are five clans for a reason. But you're right, there is hope. Cats like us who believe in peace are embers of hope, and someday we may become a fire. We aren't traitors for considering alternative strategies," Nutfur replied quietly, abandoning all concerns about what Spotfur might report to Ivystar. Everything felt right, and peaceful. Her fear of this feeling simply vanished, it no longer seeming relevant. He was a honorable warrior, and she respected him. That wouldn't cause any problems or break any rules. Now she was sure that he wouldn't betray her trust. Looking up at the star-filled night sky, she wondered what Redfur would say to her now. "What do you think our ancestors would say about everything that's going on?"

"Five." He repeated quietly. Then he spoke louder to reply. "I think Starclan wishes they could do something about it, just like us. I'm sure they are focusing on helping Windclan, though... The whole balance of the Clans would be disrupted if one of the clans just... died off."

"Of course. They are probably are close to visiting all the leaders just to tell them to act smarter," Nutfur mused, only partially joking. What would Redfur do in this situation? Would she stand up for what was right? Or would she try to fix things in secret, like she had done herself? Looking at Spotfur, she wondered if he ever did anything in secret to help stop the growing mayhem. That would add to the small list of what she found attractive about him. Not that she should even be thinking in that sort of way, of course. Looking back up at the stars, she wondered why they believed that Ivystar deserved to be leader. Sure, she had been an amazing deputy, and that was all they had to go off of when making her leader. Memories of playing with her as a kit and going to the moonstone stood out there. When and why did the change happen? "Why do you think Ivystar does it? I know it is for the good of our clan, but she must know that StarClan wouldn't approve. She must have some sort on conscience."