hopeless healing ♪ closed

Wisteriapaw was heartbroken. First, she had to watch her own grandmother die to the lethal poison that was inside of a deathberry. Then, she had watched her own sister be dragged away from her, from her family, and from ThunderClan, right before the shy apprentice's very eyes. It had torn her apart, and afterward, she had retreated to her den for a long time. It was only now that she had decided to build up the courage to come out. It would be stupid for her to stay in there forever, right? Forever was an awfully long time... it was how long Flickerpaw would be rotting away in RiverClan's camp. It made the ginger-and-white cat shudder with unease. Would she ever see her sister again? The rock that she was sitting on seemed to be colder than the breeze that whisked through the trees, and Wisteriapaw lowered herself down so that her head was resting on her front paws. This was so unfair... an eye for an eye was cruel and terrible, and the she-cat didn't want anything to do with it. She had raised her voice... she had screamed, and everyone at that little gathering had heard it. All of her emotions had bubbled up to the surface and the typically shy cat had let the bubbles explode. Everything had come pouring out, and while she hadn't yelled for moons and moons, she felt as if what she had said was enough.

The group of five siblings had been reduced to four. Well, four remaining in ThunderClan. As if the she-cat hadn't done so before, she was now going to cling to her other littermates like they were her life force. No, they were, in fact, her life force. They were the only cats who she felt comfortable talking to, and if she didn't have them, then she'd most likely be as lonely as the leaves that lined the camp. The leaves that lined the camp were mercilessly stepped on by the paws of passing cats, they were covered up by white snow, never to be seen again, and they were carelessly whisked around by the breeze. It wasn't like leaves chose to submit to nature... they were just cursed to have a fate where they couldn't control anything. Wisteriapaw felt as helpless as those leaves. There was nothing that she could do or could've done to save her sister, there was nothing she could do or could've done to save Specklefang. Time had passed, and what was done was done. That didn't mean that the she-cat had to fully accept it and move on, though. She'd continue to mourn. Flickerpaw wasn't dead, but being taken away to RiverClan was practically a death if it meant that she'd never end up seeing her sister again. She would continue to mourn until she got to see Flickerpaw again, she would continue to silently grieve until her sister was home.

RiverClan wasn't home.
Home was where your family was.
ThunderClan was home.

Featherpaw lay silent in the apprentices den, he had scarcely moved from his spot for a couple days. Normally, the young tom would be sunning, or be doing something with his siblings. Now, he'd never get the chance to with one of them. The memory of Flickerpaw being pulled away made his chest ache. He wanted to go up to Blizzardstar and demand that she take her back, but it wouldn't work any better than when he had scratched Ivystar. A soft huff rose from the orange ball of fur. It wasn't fair. To lose their Father, Grandmother and now this. For a moment, he wanted to curl up tighter and just let the day pass by. Yet the clan seemed content to just carry on as usual. Nothing was different, there wasn't one of their own stuck forever in an enemy camp. Alone.

He opened his eyes as he heard movement. Wisteriapaw walked past his nest, and he watched her silently. Before he had a chance to think, his body slowly rose. Thinner from not eating as much as he should have been, but still quiet as he followed Wisteriapaw until she stopped and immediately sat down next to her. He didn't speak. There was no need to as he gave her ear a comforting lick before he rested his head on her shoulder. He had to get through this. Wisteriapaw needed him. Dappledpaw and Wildpaw needed him. He couldn't just let it beat him... but it was hard to fight an enemy he couldn't even see. A logic that didn't make any sense in the long run, deaths that were senseless and only served to cause pain.

Wisteriapaw felt warmth flood through her as Featherpaw gave her a lick on the ear, and she gingerly leaned against him as he rested his head on her shoulder. She tried her hardest not to let herself begin to physically shake. She had to stay strong, like Flickerpaw had told her.
"Wisteriapaw, you had better not just sit around and cry for me, because we both know that won't do anything!"
However, thinking about those words just made the shy apprentice want to cry even more. She felt the strange feeling in her throat. It was that feeling that you feel when a sob wants desperately to escape, and even though Wisteriapaw attempted to swallow back that sob, it managed to break free, anyway. That sob was followed by a couple of other violent sobs that wracked her body. She was already failing what Flickerpaw had told her to do. If she couldn't see her sister, then at least she should be able to do what she had said to do. If Flickerpaw saw her now, would she be disappointed?

"T-this is s-so un-unfair," Wisteriapaw choked out, "F-Flickerpaw should b-be here, n-not in Ri-RiverClan's l-lair. Sp-Specklefang s-should still b-be living... R-RiverClan i-is so u-unforgiving."
It wouldn't be the same without her. The negative memories of Flickerpaw and the Snakerocks dare seemed to fly away with the wind. What Wisteriapaw had said back at camp was true. She'd fight off a million snakes if it meant that her sister could still be here. How much more could the she-cat take until she snapped again? What was she supposed to with this timid nature of hers? She didn't want to be incredibly shy... the apprentice realized that it kept her back from doing so many things, but no matter how much she tried, she was still insanely shy. All Wisteriapaw wanted to do was make Flickerpaw proud, even if she wouldn't be here to see her.

Featherpaw felt the sobs before they finally leaked out of Wisteriapaw's throat. He tried to comfort her, but it was hard. His own grief was weighing on him heavily as he listened to her speak about their sister. It pained him to think about the fact that he may someday end up fighting her. Flickerpaw, for better or worse, was going to be a Riverclan cat now. He licked Wisteriapaw again, his own tears held back by sheer force of will. A demand to be there for her, even as tears dripped down his face and into the snow beneath them.
"I know." He murmured as he took a deep breath. "At least she is alive." That was the only possible brightness to this. The only light in the depths of the darkness of deaths and murder which had sunk it's fangs deep into the clan. He coughed, then sobbed despite himself. His chest tight with sadness.

"W-when she is a warrior... perhaps she can come back to us." He suggested hopefully. When Flickerpaw became a warrior... would she have that freedom? Surely she would, she would have served her time there. The idea brought him new hope. If she could leave, rejoin Thunderclan, then it might work out. Even though they had lost their grandmother and father recently, to have just their sister back, it would be enough for him. Yet. He frowned sadly, would Blizzardstar allow her to come back? What if she never trusted Flickerpaw again? His hope died as quickly as it had flared and he cursed under his breath as he coughed again, then crouched into the snow to conserve his body heat. He realised it had been at least a day since he had eaten, if not a bit longer, which made the cold bite worse.

"A-alive?" Wisteriapaw began, her stuttering becoming worse because of the sobs impeeding her speech, "Th-that doe-doesn't mean sh-she'll sur-survive! Wh-what if th-they sta-starve her? Fli-Flickerpaw's l-life shou-shouldn't p-pass by i-in a bl-blur. If I w-was h-her, I'd ra-rather I d-died th-than le-let Ri-Riv-RiverClan be sat-satisfied."
Wisteriapaw couldn't help but frown as she spoke. Being alive was great, but being alive in custody was terrible. In the ginger-and-white cat's mind, death was far better than bondage, because bondage was practically ensuring death to your freedom, spirit, and well-being. The she-cat gingerly touched her nose to the ear of the tom that was beside her. She now felt her paws beginning to shake as she thought about the entire fiasco that had occurred in camp not too long ago. It was playing in her mind repeatedly, and Wisteriapaw would prefer anything else playing instead.

"I-is Spe-Specklefang re-really a mu-murderer?"
Wisteriapaw had never once thought that her respectable grandmother would ever be close to having the title of 'murderer'. Plus, the she-cat had seemed to show no remorse about the fact that she had killed an apprentice. It was difficult to wrap her mind around, but it had to be true if Specklefang had died for it.

Featherpaw thought about that for a moment. His mind a blur as he felt a deep pang of worry. What if they did starve her? His body began to feel even colder as he thought about it, Ivystar clearly wanted revenge. He nuzzled his sister once she asked about Specklefang. He hadn't thought their own grandmother was capable of that. It seemed wrong and unlike her, but now... they would never know. He hauled himself to his paws and licked one of Wisteriapaw's cheeks to help clear away her tears.
"I have an idea." He murmured thoughtfully. His green eyes calculating as he looked in the direction of Riverclan as if he would be able to see them through the forest. "We can help Flickerpaw escape." Featherpaw meowed seriously. "Those fish brains might think they've won, but if we can sneak into their territory and get her out, she might stand a chance!"

He paused thoughtfully.
"I don't know about Specklefang. I think she loved us too much to do it, but we're only apprentices." He muttered unhappily. "No one else stood up for her... I would have expected better of Blizzardstar." He stepped away from Wisteriapaw to glance around where they were. "We can't do anything for her, but we can still save Flickerpaw."

He had kept away from Thunderclan cats for a short while since the failed attempt at a rescue. It had pained him to have to leave behind the she-cat, but it was what she desired. The Oasis tom had gone back into his usual routine of skirting around territories and observing the clans. Yet, something kept pulling him back towards Thunderclan territory. Artemis constantly longed to speak with Blizzard Star once more; he desired to know everything about how she and her clan were doing. It was because of this that he found himself standing in the familiar territory once more. His paws had led him back to the forest of charred trunks. Although it was not perfect, it was a comfort to stand here once more.

Amongst the snow, it was difficult to pick him out for a distance. But, his bright blue eyes and tortoiseshell markings distinguished him from the snowbanks. Each pawstep stirred up a few flakes as he padded onwards and in the direction of the camp. Upon their first meeting, Blizzard Star had not promised him safety from her clan. However, since the battle at the rocks, many seemed to know him. Artemis was not worried about running into any trouble. It seemed as if not many were out anyway. At least, that was what he thought until he saw a pair of cats in the distance. One of them seemed rather familiar, so he changed his course and headed in their direction. To his surprise, one of them was the apprentice who had been a part of the patrol whose help he enlisted to rescue Lion Spark.

"Feather Paw, is it? How are things fairing with Thunderclan?" It was not hard to pick up on their obvious pain. His blue eyes darkened as he looked over at Feather Paw's companion. There was a similarity between them, potentially kinship. The massive, fluffy white tom stood over them, awaiting an answer. Clearly, things had not gone well since he was gone. How bad had they gotten?

Wisteriapaw's ears flattened softly against the top of her head as Featherpaw both nuzzled her and then licked her tears away. When her brother rose to his paws, the quiet apprentice stayed sitting where she was and glanced up at the ginger tom. The young she-cat's ears perked once Featherpaw began to speak again, and she silently listened as he gave his idea. After hearing, Wisteriapaw glanced over in the direction of RiverClan, too. Stealing Flickerpaw back? That was terribly risky. There were so many negative outcomes that could come true if something were to go wrong, or if they were to get caught.
The ginger-and-white cat started, slowly, "W-well, ev-even th-though Riv-RiverClan is te-terrible, they ar-aren't du-dumb. Wo-won't th-they know wh-where we're c-coming f-from? Sh-she's prob-probably be-being cl-closely gua-guarded... str-strategy sho-shouldn't be dis-discarded."

Wisteriapaw supposed Featherpaw was right. Specklefang was dead... but she had murdered a cat. What if she had gone to the Dark Forest because of the crime that had been committed? Despite that fact that the killing may have been bad, Specklefang didn't deserve to rot away in the Place of No Stars, right? Perhaps StarClan would have mercy on her soul. The she-cat glanced up at the dark sky, and she stared at the glittering, white starts that dotted the darkness.
Specklefang? The she-cat thought, are you up there?
All she could do now was simply hope that her grandmother had earned a place amongst the stars.

Wisteriapaw felt her entire body freeze once she heard the pawsteps and the voice of an unfamiliar cat. Not just a cat that she wasn't used to talking to, but a cat that she practically didn't even know. Waves and waves of anxiety poured over the she-cat as she felt her front paws go completely numb. She wanted to ask how this cat knew her brother, she wanted to respond to his question, and she opened her jaws to attempt to let the words out. However, all that came out was silence, and it inwardly pained her. The ginger-and-white apprentice shrank back a little bit. She had failed, again. While she knew that Featherpaw would do the talking, it would still be nice if she could have the ability to speak up. She had spoken up back at camp while her sister was being dragged away, why couldn't she do it, now?

Featherpaw thought over Wisteriapaw's words carefully. She wasn't wrong, Flickerpaw would be heavily guarded, his musing was interrupted by a familiar voice. He turned to see the large white and tortoiseshell tom approaching and smiled with relief.
"Artemisodan!" He greeted, though rather than bound over to the other tom, he wrapped his tail protectively around Wisteriapaw. His desire to keep one of his only siblings close stronger than to see a recent friend. Memories came unbidden at the tom's question, too raw and too fresh.

"Can you help us?" He implored, his green eyes hopeful as his tail tightened around Wisteriapaw. "One of my sisters... she accidentally killed a RiverClan cat, and Blizzardstar just... she just let RiverClan take her!" His paws dug into the snow bitterly at the memory. "We need to save her! If something... If something happens to her... I..." His gaze broke as he looked down towards the snow, choking back tears as he tried to sound brave, for Wisteriapaw's sake as well as his own. "It's unfair..."

The massive tom felt anxiety coming from Feather Paw's friend. He tried to settle his fur and make himself look the least intimidating as possible. Before he could say anything, the ginger apprentice began explaining. So, the feud had only grown worse. His gaze darkened. Thunderclan killed a Riverclan cat Would this never end? The cycle of war was something he had seldom experienced in life. However, coming from the Oasis, he knew it was his job to do two things: stand for the weak and strive for peace. Artemis felt he had already done all he could to fight for Thunderclan, and would continue to do so. But, to create more conflict by rescue someone who had killed someone? It wasn't logical. Right away, he decided that much. Although, there was now another matter. How to comfort the grieving young cats who had lost their kin.

Artemis was silent for a moment. His blue eyes were calculating as he considered what to tell them. The one apparent thing still being they clearly could not go over into Riverclan again, he wanted to handle this tactfully. The loss of this apprentice was Blizzard Star's will, and if nothing else, he still clung to the belief she was a wise cat. Even though everything that she had been forced to deal with, he had watched the fluffy, white leader still stand for her clan. Yet, the grief of loss was something not filled with ideas of logic or reason. As his eyes locked with Feather Paw's, he meowed softly, "Unfortunately, I do not believe that this is an option. As much as I would love to see you reunited with your sister, I'm afraid it is in the paws of the ancestors now..."

It had been some time since he had thought to physically show comfort to some cat. Travelling alone had begun to strip him of that. The moment in camp with Blizzard Star had been one of the rare times he had. Now, Artemis wanted to wrap himself around the younger cats in an attempt to give them a moment of security. A majority of their lives had been in the insecurity of war. Watching Feather's body language, he assumed it would be best to stay back for now. But, with such a dissatisfying answer provided, there was a chance the pair would long for a sense of comfort. For now, he simply waited for either of the young cats to speak.

Wisteriapaw silently scooted closer to Featherpaw as she felt his tail wrap tightly and protectively around her. The she-cat still wanted to know why her brother knew this cat... Artemis, was it? As the ginger-and-white she-cat listened to Featherpaw retell the tale of what had occurred with Flickerpaw, it was as if more tears had suddenly been summoned in Wisteriapaw's eyes. It was as if she had forgotten what had happened and had been sharply reminded. How could she forget though? She'd never forget. She'd never forgive, either. She couldn't.... it was impossible... how could a cat forgive a Clan who had done such a thing? Sure, RiverClan deserved to know who had murdered two of their own cats, and she knew that Flickerpaw and Specklefang were at fault for the murders, but RiverClan's way of handling it all seemed cruel to Wisteriapaw. The apprentice suddenly felt weak and rested her head on her brother's shoulder. She didn't care if she seemed helpless in the midst of this stranger. She knew that inwardly, every cat in ThunderClan felt helpless, too. The entire Clan had suffered from that RiverClan patrol coming into camp.

Wisteriapaw's ears flattened against her head as Artemis gingerly shot down Featherpaw's idea. Despite the fact that her throat had seemed clogged with anxiety when Artemis first entered the scene, the apprentice suddenly let words flow out of her mouth. It was as if she wasn't even aware of the fact that she was speaking. If she was, then she probably would've shut herself up immediately.
"Wh-what c-could the a-ancestors po-possibly d-do?" The ginger-and-white cat asked in a quiet and shaky voice, "I-if only Sta-StarClan tru-truly knew. Ho-how c-could th-they kn-know wha-what th-this feels l-like? The-they're st-starry wo-world is dr-dreamli-like. I b-bet Sta-StarClan w-would su-support our c-cause. W-we have t-to take ma-matters i-into our o-own p-paws."

"But you helped on the patrol to rescue Lionspark!" Featherpaw argued, desperation in his mew as he stepped forward. His eyes full of unshed tears as he considered the possible, and proving real, reality that Artemis wouldn't help them. One that seemed truer with every word. Featherpaw's bravado began to fall apart as he realised the impossibility of the task. They didn't know where Flickerpaw was, probably at the camp, and... he choked back a sob with a cough. Cold air flooded his lungs as he let Wisteriapaw take over the talking.

He kept his coughs suppressed, then looked at Wisteriapaw with sympathy and pride. She was talking to a cat she didn't even know... it was strange to feel any happy emotion in this time of darkness, but at the same time, it was good. He frowned at taking matters into his own paws, then nuzzled her neck comfortingly.
"When I'm at the moonstone, I'll ask them." He suggested lowly. Starclan might help. They should help! Confident that they would, he finally let himself breathe. This whole situation wasn't fair in the least... but they hadn't said they were killing Flickerpaw. They had some time. Perhaps not enough, but some.

He stared at them with a sadness creeping into his eyes. They were so young and naive, driven by a hope that made cats irrational. The tom had seen it before, many times, and even in himself. Aria... His tail tip twitched slightly at the memory of his sister. Would he have reacted the same way? It was a valid question. Back as kits and students, they were practically inseparable. Although, she would have never committed murder. His neutral expression faltered slightly. It pained him to think that his connection with her had a limit, but senseless killing in any way was strictly against the code they had both been raised to respect. From what he knew, there were similar values in the warrior code these cats held dear. So why did these apprentices seem to forget that now? There was one answer. Grief.

"I know, Feather Paw, and I did that for the good of the clan... but you have to understand that has happened was as a result of your sister's actions. There is nothing we can do not. Attempting to rescue her would result in... nothing good. And even if we did save her, it would only give Ivy Star another reason to come back and take more lives away." Artemis hesitated a few times as he spoke. There was no right answer for the younger cats. Anything he said was a mere disappointment to them. But, he could only attempt to get them to see reason, and sit with them through these hard times. Lion Spark had been a cat taken for Riverclan's agenda of trying to hurt the already weakened clan. This cat was a different story. He lowered his head slightly and sighed, "The best we can do it hope that Riverclan treats her well. Nothing we do will change the situation for the better."