After Confessions [Closed]

Lionspark couldn't say for sure how long she had been standing there, just outside of Blizzardstar's den. Her good eye shifted back and forth as she tried to convince herself not to go through with this. This was a stupid idea - everybody had already painted her as the victim of that night and it would be so easy to let everything remain that way but...She gave her head a shake as she took in a deep breath as she raised a paw to her scarred face. No...Blizzardstar deserved to know what she had truly done. And so, the warrior steadied herself as she took in a few more deep breaths before stepped forward, pushing her way into the leader's den. "B-Blizzardstar? Can I talk to you?" she asked softly, her body already shaking with the knowledge of what she was about to admit.

The truth needed to come out.

She had killed Bramblefrost in cold blood that night.

Blizzardstar was grooming her long pelt, trying to get ready for her daily duties after yet another restless night, when Lionspark stepped inside her den. She raised her eyes, which soon got clouded with clear worry. She knew that Lionspark hadn’t been exactly well since the death of her mate and if she hadn’t talked with her yet was because she feared that she wouldn’t be willing to listen to her, that the deep wound caused by those events could still be there and touching the subject could only cause severe damage and undo whatever healing that could’ve been achieved.

“Lionspark…sure, come in, come in” The white leader had the feeling that she would be more of a listener than an actual talker in this conversation if things went the way she expected them to. However, she didn’t mind one bit. Lionspark had been a close friend and loyal like few others even in the face of adversity, or at least that was Blizzardstar’s opinion about her, so it was only understandable for her to want to be there for her whenever she needed her. She would need to keep her guard up, though. While she wanted to listen to everything she had to say and give advice if she saw fit, she wouldn’t want Lionspark to push herself too hard and have yet another mental breakdown “What do you want to talk about?”.

Lionspark dipped her head to the leader in thanks as she stepped into the den, casting a worried gaze around before she settled near the entrance - not wanting to impose all that much in the leader's personal den despite the invitation to come in. Her tail thumped against the ground in a clear nervous habit as she cleared her throat, blinking as the leader asked carefully what was on her mind. Another deep breath escaped her as allowed her claws to sink into the floor of the den, steadying herself lest her fraying nerves get the best of her and make her decide to run. "I...I want to...No, I need to talk about..To admit what..." There was a clear moment of hesitation as the golden tabby swallowed, her good eye nervously flickering to every corner of the den but yet never landing on Blizzardstar - to ashamed of what she was about to say to meet her gaze. "What happened that night between Bramblefrost and I...W-What truly happened."

Blizzardstar couldn’t help but feel somewhat confused, this was definitely not what she was expecting Lionspark to say…plus, what would she have to admit? Everyone in the clan already knew about what had happened in the Stony Hollow, or at least she thought so. Whatever was going across the golden tabby’s mind it was clearly torturing her, the embarrassment, regret, nerves… “Lionspark…we are friends, aren’t we? You know you can tell me anything, you don’t need to feel like this” It took all of the white leader’s self-control to not rush to her side and try to comfort her like a mother would do with a crying kitten, however, the willpower that held back her body wasn’t enough to hold back her tongue. It was just part of Blizzardstar’s personality, she never had been good at seeing other cats suffer without reacting immediately after, especially not those she had come to care for.

Lionspark almost smiled for a moment at Blizzardstar's sweet words but her ears slicked back as she recalled the reason she had come to the leader in the first place. A confession...She slowly raised a paw to her throat, feeling the faint lines of the scars that worked its way around it. There was always a chance that her fur could grow to cover it but her throat...The fur wasn't as thick there and she had little hope of fur covering it and the scars that ran horizontal across her left eye. A forever-reminder of what she had lost that night. "I-I...I think - I believe that Specklefang stated it was a fox that did...This to me and killed Bramblefrost and while I never had the will..." A pause. "The strength to admit the truth that...Bramblefrost did this to me while I...I was the one to kill him." She lowered her gaze to her paws, taking in a deep shuttered breath before she continued - not wanting to give Blizzardstar the time to speak before she had said what she needed to. She had to be honest - she couldn't go on lying to her Clan like this and while she had already prepared herself for whatever Blizzardstar might do to her for killing another cat like that... "I didn't mean to...I didn't plan to do it...N-Not at first," she started slowly, her body tightening in an effort to curl up upon herself and make her as small as she possible could under the gaze of the proud ThunderClan leader.

"T-Things have been so rough lately with Specklefang so I-I followed him to the Stony Hollow in the hopes of spending time together..." She blinked, her gaze turning hard as she sunk her claws even deeper into the floor. "He rebuked me - he revealed that he...He never loved me. T-That I was nothing by a tool to him an-and..." Her voice cracked as she gave her head a shake. "He blinded me in my left eye when I refused to get out of his way - when I asked for answers to know why. Af-After that...H-he told me to back down again but I..." A soft but long sigh escaped her muzzle. "I attacked him. I-I couldn't let him return to camp after what he did. H-He was...I loved him but he was a...A monster. He...He tried to get me to back-down once again," she added with a broken laugh as she raised her gaze up to Blizzardstar. "With a threat that if I ever told anybody the truth about what happened he would...But I...I was done living in fear of...Of him.

"I don't know if deep down I never paid attention to Specklefang's attempts to tell me how terrible he was because I was truly ignore or...Or I was afraid of the true Bramblefrost..." She drifted off for a few moments before she gave her head another shake. "And I killed him. H-He managed to slice my throat once before he died and I fainted once it was done. I was...In horror of what I had done because..." Another shaky sigh escaped her as she bowed her head. "Because I still truly love him - or what I thought he was..." She grew quiet once more as she focused on Blizzardstar with her one-good eye. That...That was it. She had shared everything she could think of - of everything she had done. Her ears were slicked back, ready to hear whatever the leader had to say or whatever punishment would be delivered. The Warrior-Code said only to kill in self-defense but what she had done...Had it been true self-defense? Either way...She would accept whatever the leader saw fit.

Blizzardstar was taken aback by the words that left the mouth of the golden she-cat. It was obvious that she tried to interrupt her once or twice during the time she talked, but after her first two failed attempts she had finally decided to give up and listed to the story Lionspark was telling her.

Her world had just been turned upside down and there was an awful lump in her throat that she simply couldn’t swallow regardless of how hard she tried. Part of her sincerely wished that Lionspark hadn’t told her any of this, that she would’ve left things as they were, but on the other paw she understood her actions. She wouldn’t be able to live with a calm conscience if she ever found the blood of a slain cat on her claws someday, regardless of the situation behind it. She waited and listened to Lionspark’s troubled words as she kept explaining the story behind Bramblefrost’s death. Only when she was done she allowed her ears to fall flat and look down with a saddened expression.

She tried to put the pieces of the story together inside her mind. The pain of the betrayal the she-cat probably felt by the tom’s foxhearted words, the attack that had left her blind in one eye and probably sparkled the aggression, the fear that she had towards Bramblefrost, the train of thought that caused her to react aggressively at the idea of him returning to camp after he threatened to kill her if anything of what happened in the Stony Hollow was shared with anyone else, after she labeled him as a monster, the awful wound around her neck that now would be a constant reminder of this experience.

Yes, this all painted Bramblefrost in the perfect light of a villain, but Blizzardstar found herself wondering what would the other side of the coin could’ve been, the same story told by Bramblefrost’s point of view. Could it cleanse his name? Would it pain Lionspark under that same light she had placed over Bramblefrost? Would it confirm her story and justify her actions? All these were questions she knew that would be left unanswered until the day she joined her ancestors between the stars.

The white leader raised her gaze to look at Lionspark with a troubled mind. Oh, how bad she wanted to just forgive her and let this slide, to not force her dear friend into a situation where the clan would decide her fate, but she knew that this would go against all the rules she had set to keep her clan safe, a proof that if anyone got close enough to her they would be immune to the consequences, a chance for those with true ill intentions to get away with the worst crimes…a chance for a future version of Rockthorn to rise…

“L-Lionspark…you…is there a chance…tell me…was this an act of self-defense? Or you thought you were protecting the clan?” Blizzardstar was hoping to let his clear between the two. For all she had gathered that was exactly what it was, or at least what she hoped it was. She could tell that Lionspark’s regrets were sincere, but she needed to make sure this wasn’t a premeditated murder. Unluckily, even if everything within her was trying to convince her otherwise, she had the feeling that she wasn’t confused nor Bramblefrost’s death had been accidental. If it had been on self-defense or her thinking that this was the only way to keep her clan safe, it would lower the severity of the punishment to some extent, but if it wasn’t…oh StarClan, she didn’t want to believe that could even be a possibility.

Lionspark kept her eye locked on her paws as the long silence drifted between the two she-cats, unwilling to look up to see whatever emotions were clear in the leader's eyes. She didn't want to see the sympathy for what had transpired, the confusion on how such an event could take place...Or perhaps even hatred or disgust for what Lionspark had done. She didn't what to know what was going through Blizzardstar's mind and so she kept her gaze focused on the floor beneath her.

But when the leader final spoke...Lionspark had to blink a few times in confusion. She had expected her punishment to be the first words out of the leader's mouth as she slowly raised her gaze to look at the white and gray she-cat. "I..." She straightened up slightly as she paused before she nodded her head slowly. "It was both...I...I didn't wanted to do it but...Bramblefrost...I had to protect ThunderClan from him," she whispered softly, recalling telling him that shortly before she had... "Bramblefrost wasn't afraid to use or even hurt cats to get what he wanted. To use fear to sway them like he tried to do with me... H-He told me that he had be hoping to use me to be-become leader. He cared for nobody but himself - everybody else were just steppingstones to him."

She lowered her gaze once more to her paws. "And truthfully? I-I don't think he was telling the truth when he was giving me the option to walk away or...At least I think he still would have tried to get rid of me someway - somehow - just in case I did get the courage to...To tell somebody what happened. He tried to use fear to get me step down but..." She gave a shutter of her pelt. "I-I don't think highly of myself. I-I was content with never leaving that hollow alive i-if it meant that ThunderClan could go on without...Without a monster like him." There was another moment of silence as her tail twitched. "...I'm accepting of whatever punishment you wish to give me Blizzardstar. I knew the risk but I couldn't...I didn't want to hide what I did. Of what he was."

Blizzardstar nodded before letting out a long sigh. While this made things a bit less serious, it still didn’t took away the fact that Lionspark had killed Bramblefrost. Even if it was in self-defense, even if it had been to defend the clan from what, from her point of view at east, could be an imminent threat…she had killed another cat.

The white leader could tell that she wasn’t faking things, she was legitimately sorry and by the looks of it she was already expecting a terrible punishment from her. With her ears low she finally spoke, trying to control herself to not sound as mortified as she really was “I’m sure you’ll understand that the rest of the clan needs to know about this, Lionspark. While I’m leader and you killed one of our clanmates, you need to keep in mind he didn’t live only with the two of us. He had friends, family…they need to know too, and they deserve their voice to be heard as much as mines. I can’t give you a punishment right away without knowing what the rest of the clan thinks. As much as I hate to say it, that was exactly what allowed Rockthorn to be forgiven over and over until things got too big for any of us to handle it, feelings eclipsed our rationality and the lack of advice from the rest of the clan, from those that could see what we didn’t, was what doomed us in the end” She looked at Lionspark with sad eyes, it was clear she didn’t want to do this, she just wanted to let Lionspark go, thinking her own injuries and regrets were enough punishment…but she couldn’t, she didn’t want risking to commit the same mistakes of the past.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t believe you, nor to make you think that I think you are like Rockthorn in any way, but this decision is one I can’t make on my own without having doubts on my own judgement…” With those words she started to head towards the entrance of her den, having to force her paws to move forward, not wanting to do this to her friend. She would do her best to not make her appear as the aggressor, of course she wasn’t, she was the victim and was cornered into taking Bramblefrost’s life, but she wasn’t sure if the rest of the clan would have that same point of view “Come with me, Lionspark…and get ready. In the worst case scenario you’ll need to defend your position from those that won’t take this well…”

Lionspark raised her head, staring at the leader as she began to speak. This...Was more that she was expecting. She gave a soft nod of her head as Blizzardstar started to explain what was going to transpire, flinching however at the mention of Rockthorn. She...She didn't want to be like him - he had crossed a line that she hoped to never touch. Perhaps she had skirted close with her actions but...She felt conflicted, she wasn't even sure how she felt about her own actions. She regretted it in some part, killing Bramblefrost like she did but...She also knew that now that she knew the truth of what kind of tom he truly was...He could easily turn the Clan against her if he so wanted but...Ah, she would have deserved that, wouldn't she?

"I knew what I was getting myself into when I came to tell you the truth Blizzardstar," she meowed as she watched the leader get up and head for the den, rising to her paws to follow suit. "If you didn't tell the rest of the Clan...I would do it myself. I-I don't want to hide what I did because...I-I know I might have broken the Code with my...Rash actions. I'm...I'm willing to accept whatever punishments they seek fit for what I have done..." She turned to pad after the leader, her heart sinking in her chest as she lowered her gaze to the floor. "After all...I deserve all of their hatred..." she added in a whisper to herself as she left the den - ready to face her clanmates.