Damage can I never undoing, kinda stupid [Closed]

Sitting in the medicine cat den, Otterleap felt hollow inside as he pawed at the herbs that had been placed before him. His own words rang in his head as he looked down at the leaves that promised to clear his head and give him respite from his heavy thoughts. It didn't feel right, he felt like he was the worst, even though it had to be done. He'd changed, and Shellwater hadn't. Maybe he was the real villain in this narrative, but he didn't know what else to do. He thought of the passion he felt with Umberflame, one that came from mutual respect and appreciation for each other. That short-lived affair had more spark in it than his whole relationship with Shellwater. What he had with his former mate was good, safe, but his jealousy had always been on the surface. He always felt like he had something to prove, he had to be a great father to her kits with Sleetfang, and always appear tougher than the other warrior. But why?

He remembered swearing his love to her by the river... He'd been so naive then, swearing himself so easily to the first she-cat that showed him love. At times he questioned her devotion in secret, did she really love him? Or did she just want a mate to raise her kits with Sleetfang?

It all made him feel ill to think about so he finally ate the herbs in front of him. When he heard pawsteps coming towards him, he hung his head waiting for another cat to rip into him.

A sodden ball of moss was tightly grasped in Splashwillow's mouth as she hurried towards the sparsely crowded medicine cat's den. Shortly following the heated dispute between her parents in front of the entire Clan, she had stormed away in a less-than-graceful manner to push away her anger as she waited for Shellwater to stop wailing to herself. She had busied herself by setting about in meaningless tasks while the worst of her temper had soothed- which was why she had settled on gathering something for her father to drink. Anything was better than listening to Shellwater's cries for longer than she had to.

Pausing outside of the shady den, she felt a little frown twist her visible features as she caught a glimpse of Otterleap's expression. She had just gotten her father back and yet he couldn't even rejoice in his return to the Clan because of the drama that had unfolded. How could their family be so selfish? "I brought you something to drink." Splashwillow finally mewed softly, quickly dropping the soaked ball of moss close to her father, her tone slightly bashful.

He didn't deserve her. That was the first thought that rattled around in his head when he saw his daughter come over to him with a ball of moss. She was the best of them, Shell's beauty and his loyalty all coupled in a small package of wonder that was Splashwillow. She'd had to endure her sister's death, her father's disappearance and a mother wasting away alone but she was only stronger for it. If she'd scorned him, rake a claw over his eyes like Frogjaw tried to do, he would have understood, accepted his scars and licked the wounds in private, but instead, here she was.

"Th- thank you, Splash." Taking the moss, he licked the moisture off till he felt that he could speak with a steady voice. He had some shreds of pride left as her father and a RiverClanner, and it wouldn't do to be weak like this, hide away in misery. "I'm sorry for making you go through that... I still love and care for you, no matter what happens with your mother."

Splashwillow watched Otterleap halfheartedly lap at the sodden ball of moss with the intensity of a hawk, only relaxing once he had seemingly had his fill. The little calico's ears swiveled forwards as her father spoke, but she took the time to settle down beside him before chiming in. "I know you still love me- I've always known. And it's alright," Splashwillow quietly reassured, "It sounded like that conversation was bound to happen. I'm just glad I was there to see it." She hadn't particularly enjoyed hearing that conversation, but a part of her truly was glad that she had gotten to witness a new call to reality.  She had never once pictured a time where her parents hadn't been together- in her mind it had always Otterleap and Shellwater together happily, long before her birth. But perhaps that hadn't always been the case.

Pressing closer to Otterleap, Splashwillow did her best to ignore how pitifully scrawny and poorly groomed her father was as she curled up beside him. After spending all of her free time trying to console her mother verbally, it was a nice change of pace to simply cuddle with Otterleap. At least this way she seemed to know what to do to help him. However, the longer she remained quiet, the more a burning question began to bubble in her belly. Who was Sleetfang and why was he such a touchy subject between her parents?"Did...Shellwater ever cheat on you?" Splashwillow finally questioned, allowing her curiosity to get the best of her in the moment, "Is that what you meant whenever you brought up Sleetfang?"

He was hesitant to make any gestures of affection to his daughter first, but when she offered him a press of pelts, he whole-heartedly leant into the warmth. He relaxed for the first time in moons, taking strength from her presence and love. In that moment as he heard her state that she still loved him, he felt a peace that he'd been denied for so long. Maybe he'd messed up everything else, but if he managed to create this wonderful she-cat with Shell, maybe he wasn't such a useless wreck.

And maybe it was time to let it all out, holding in his feelings never did seem to work. It didn't work for his mother, Tawnystorm, why would it work for him? In hindsight, it was foolish. Splashwillow wasn't a kitling anymore, she was a warrior grown who had the wisdom that he lacked apparently. So he began his tale of a foolish warrior and a broken queen. "Is it really cheating if I knew? If I allowed it? I fell for your mother, confessing my love to her when I found her trying to end her life in the river. Maybe it was attraction to being the saviour, a hero in a story but I committed to loving her that day. She fell for another though, Sleetfang, mating with him whilst she was promised to me... But I said that I didn't care. I swore that I'd raise them as my own, but I'm a fool." He looked off up at the sky, uncertain of how far to go. "It wasn't really your mother's fault in the end, I was the idiot that made promises I can't keep. I didn't think I'd grow to resent her, but with each hardship, I couldn't help grow resentful... And then I screwed up... Splash, you... You have siblings in ThunderClan. I understand if you go and tell Fishstar or your mother, I unburden myself knowing you might tell everyone my foolish mistake. I mated with a ThunderClan she-cat in the cave, I won't lie, there was a measure of spite in my actions. Your mother and I, we're just two broken cats trying to make it through alive... How did we end up like this?"

"Oh father.." Splashwillow murmured softly, feeling her throat grow tight as she listened to Otterleap speak. Her mother was cruel enough to break his heart in a manner such as that? How could one cat be so cruel? To simply abandon him for...a night of fun? Her stomach twisted uncomfortably as the new information about Shellwater's behavior began to fully sink in, rendering her unable to decide if she'd ever be able to look at her mother in the same light ever again. Swallowing tightly, she remained pressed closely to Otterleap's side as she continued to listen to him speak in a despondent manner. "I'm sorry that you've had to go through all of this alone," She mewed, "But please don't blame yourself for the cruel fate that StarClan laid at your paws, it's never been your fault. But now you have me- I'll always be here to share in your grief." Splashwillow insisted before pressing even closer.

Pausing for a moment to grow accustomed to Otterleap's slow breathing against her side, Splashwillow remained silent for a few brief heartbeats as she tried to think of what to say next. The thought of her father being with another cat, a Thunderclan one at that, made her feel uncomfortable at best, but the idea of new siblings wasn't entirely unpleasant. Hopefully they weren't lonely. Although it was hard to push away the memories of Sparkwillow and Silentstorm's doomed copulation and everything that had followed since then. Apparently their kin occupied many different Clans. "I don't think Fishstar needs to know," She finally continued softly, "Kits are a blessing regardless of who their parents are- there's no need to burden her with knowledge that she can't use." A part of her desperately wanted to tell Otterleap about their kin who now resided in ShadowClan in a hopeful attempt to cheer him up, but it still worried her to even think of Sparkwillow's kits- what would happen if someone overheard them? Holding her tongue the best she could, Splashwillow instead resolved to begin softly grooming her father's rather matted fur.

At his daughter's words, he all but collapsed onto her, relying on her to prop him up. Forgiveness and acceptance, two things he had not expected in any way, shape or form. He felt blessed and all he could do was softly choke down sobs as he released the tension that he'd held onto for moons. It was done, she knew the truth. For once, he felt at right with the world.

It was a feeling that he'd forgotten, too used to shrouds and hidden meanings under sweetly spoken words. There were many things he regretted about his relationship with Shellwater, but this he would never change. If he could go back in time, he'd do it all again if it meant he could have this wonderful daughter of his.

"Splashwillow, I love you, daughter of mine." He meowed softly, before exhaustion claimed him.