Find yourself, Batpaw, Nutpaw [Closed]

Nutpaw took a deep breath and followed Ivyfall into the gaping darkness of the tunnel. Before long, she couldn't see a thing, only being lead by the sounds that the cave's echo seemed to make louder. Her pupils dilated, not just from the lack of light but also from fear. Her instincts screamed at her to get out, go to where she could see and smell, a place she was familiar with. But she knew this would be worth the nerves she was getting; StarClan wanted her to do this. Then light slowly came into view, and she let out a loud sigh of relief. The tunnel widened into a large cave, and before she had time to process what was going on, bright light filled the space. She gasped in surprise and wonder, realizing that this must be the scared moonstone that they had traveled so far to see. Now, she knew it was time to speak to her ancestors, and see if they had truly forgiven her. 
"See you later, Ivyfall," she said to deputy, giving her a nervous smile. Then she ducked down and pressed her nose against the glowing crystal. In an instant, she had fallen asleep, but just as quickly, she woke up. Looking around in awe, she could tell she was in StarClan. Glittering stars surrounded her on every side, swaying with the tall grass and sending whispers through the slight breeze. For a moment the only thing she could think of was how beautiful everything was here. Then the claws of fear clenched in her stomach. There wasn't anybody there, what if StarClan was rejecting her? She had made so many horrible mistakes, maybe she would be thrown into the dark forest fro everything she did! Her heart pounded louder, and anxiety filled her. Soon she would learn if she could really become a better cat. If she couldn't than StarClan would hate her. And she had many loved ones who had died; Dawnsong, her father, her mother... Then a scent filled her nose. She didn't know where she recognized it from, as if from a dream. It was now colder and smelled of the night breeze, but it was definitely a familiar scent. Twirling around, she saw the cat creating it. Though she had no memory of ever seeing this cat before, she suddenly knew exactly who it was.
"Mom? Is it-" She didn't know if it was grief that stopped her sentence, or the sudden nuzzle that Redfur gave her. It felt amazing, to be with her mother, who had died before she could remember anything about her. She wished that she could have grown up like other kits, playing games with their parents in the nursery and getting cheered on by their mother at their apprentice ceremony. But now, this feeling of being loved just felt so right, and she could almost forget about all those missed opportunities. Then her mother pulled away gently, and though the feeling still lingered, her worries returned. What if her mom was going to tell her that she was going to be punished for meeting with a WindClan cat, or nearly siding with the dark forest? She needed to apologize before it was too late. "I am so sorry! I know that I have made huge mistakes, and I'll try to fix them. I'll accept whatever punishment needed, but please, don't-" Her mother's tail brushed across her muzzle.
"I'm not mad, no one is. You just followed your heart, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I have loved you since you were born, and will love you forever, my daughter. So please believe me when I tell you that I am proud of you, Nutpaw," Redfur explained, voice gentle and caring, pulling the brown apprentice in. Those were the words that she had always wished she could hear, I am proud of you, Nutpaw. And for a second, she could make herself believe the entrancing words, if only because those were exactly what she wanted. But after that moment, she wondered if it was a cruel trick, trying to make her suffer anymore from what she did. But no, her mother could never do that. But she might just be trying to soften things up. 
"But I broke the warrior code! I have had secret meetings with a WindClan tom, nearly joined the dark forest, and I have just stood there while my own clanmate died! I'm not a daughter you should be proud of!" She couldn't help but whimper once or twice while speaking, her emotions getting the better of her. Images of those awful times ran through her head. Meeting Echopaw at the gorge, Smokefang appearing at the gathering, seeing Flowerpetal's dead body. All of that was partly her fault, and she knew that. Even if her mother didn't hold it against her, it was still true, and she held it against herself. Trying to gulp down more air, she let out a few more whimpers, grief apparent in every one.
"And you did everything you could to stop those things. You stopped meeting Echopaw, you left the group once you realized it was the dark forest, and though there was nothing you could do, you still tried to save Flowerpetal," the dark ginger she-cat mewed as she looked into her daughter's eyes with the love only a mother could give. "And that is all in the past. You can start thinking about the future now, and I will support whatever future you choose." Those words rang through Nutpaw's mind, repeating itself until she felt calmer. After a few seconds of mulling over the words, a realization hit her. It must have been obvious to every other cat this whole time, but she just was beginning to see it. Everything that had happened in the past wasn't her fault. It had been coincidental that she had met Echopaw, and she had done the right thing by calling off their meetings. And even if she hadn't existed, Flowerpetal still would have died and the dark forest still would have tried once again to invade. She had made good choices, and tried to correct the bad ones. It was as if a bunch of weight had been taken off her shoulders. And peeking through the guilty shell that she had put around herself was now the intelligent, funny, nice cat that she had once been. A small smile spread across her face.
"Even if I decide to be a murderer?" she joked, laughter that hadn't shone in a while in her voice. "Thank you mom. I was sure that you going to punish me for my actions at first, but now I see you did the exact opposite. As cheesy as it sounds, it's true. I love you, even if you died when I was a kit. I have literally never felt better than when meeting you, and hopefully one day I can meet my father too."  She wasn't sure why the last part slipped out of her mouth, but as soon as it did she felt weird. She had never really wondered about her father before, and it just seemed wrong to talk about him when she met her mother. She hoped that she hadn't just totally ruined the happy moment they were about to have.
"Well I hope that is a path you never follow." The passed warrior's face suddenly turned sad for a moment, sympathy that Nutpaw wasn't sure if she liked shining in the the older she-cat's eyes. "Your father was a good cat, Nutpaw. Petalstorm was a loyal warrior and a good mate. But when I died, he blamed himself. He totally fell apart, and ran away from the clan. A few days later, he killed himself on the Thunderpath, saying he was unable to live without me. Soon he became sad and felt guilty that he left you parentless, and regrets it with all his soul. He was going to come meet you here tonight, actually. But he was scared that you wouldn't accept him after he abandoned you. I hope you can forgive him." Nutpaw listened intently to her mother's words, suddenly curious about her father. She felt a mix of anger, sympathy, and grief, not being able to think of a word that meant all three of them. Though she wished that her father hadn't left her, she could understand why he did. And at least now she knew his name; Petalstorm. She had learned Redfur's name pretty early on, but her father had always been a mystery to her. And now she knew at least some of his story.
"Well, you can tell him that I forgive him. And maybe someday we will be able to meet each other." After those words, the two stood there, neither sure exactly what to say next. The red warrior had nodded in response, and she could tell by the look in her eyes that she loved Peatlstorm dearly. Unspoken feelings crossed between the mother-daughter pair, then Nutpaw broke the silence. "Mom, are you saying that I can just go back to being the kind of cat that I used to be?" 
"No, once you have gone through a life changing experience you can never go back to the cat you used to be. But that doesn't mean you can't improve upon yourself. You are totally able to go back to your smart, fun-loving self, but you also be more cautious and hard working. So even though you will change, change isn't always a bad thing," the warrior said, looking into Nutpaw's eyes with emotion. The apprentice thought about it all for a moment, then nodded in agreement. She could change for the better, she was sure of it. So for a moment she just sat there cherishing the feeling of being with her mother. This time, the silence was welcoming, giving her a chance to look over her mother. In life, she would have probably looked pretty much the same as her daughter, except with dark ginger fur instead of nut brown fur. But in StarClan, she looked even more beautiful, pelt glimmering with stars and hazel eyes shining with wisdom. 
"Nutpaw, it is almost time for you to go back now. But remember what I said. Leave the past behind you and focus on becoming a better cat in the future. Now good bye, my daughter. I will see you when you join the stars, but I will always be by your side in spirit." Nutpaw buried her muzzle into her mother's fur, for a moment not wanting to leave. But in a moment she realized that that was silly, she would have to return to the real world, no matter how tempting that this was. 
"Good bye, mom. Thank you for everything," Nutpaw said in farewell, and the look of love they shared in that moment was perfect. Soon, the apprentice felt herself fading from the starlit plains, and before she knew it, she was back in the cave where the moonstone was. Standing up, she shook the dust off of her pelt and sighed. Being with her mother had just felt so right, and now she felt so alone. But she knew that she must persist, and become that the cat that she wanted to be. Turning to Ivyfall, she spoke. "I'm ready to go."

Batpaw walked into the cave without fears in his heart. Darkness wasn't something to be afraid of since his mind was already full of it since the day his parents abandoned him. The grumpy apprentice moved with the deputy and he blinked when the light of the Moonstone reached his green eyes. It was... strange. The rock was like it was made inside a dream but here it was, shining with the colors of the moon.

He listened to the next words of Ivyfall and nodded, knowing what he had to do. He laid down close to the the stone and pressed his nose on it, closing his green eyes. This was the moment that would define his beliefs in Starclan and his future as a warrior. When he opened his eyes, the apprentice wasn't in the cave anymore. He was on a place full of tall grass with a fresh breeze that relaxed his disturbed heart and the stars that surrounded him were beautiful. However, the tom didn't see any cat around him... was this really Starclan? Why no one appeared to talk to him?, he thought, anger flowing inside his veins.

ooc: feel free to request a warrior ceremony now

When Ivyfall touched noses with the stone, she saw nothing. Not because she didn't believe or because StarClan refused her, but it was her own decision to refuse the call of the Stars for now. She knew who awaited her across the void, and she had no interest in listening to her father's pitiful excuses and mewls about how sorry he was.

So she awoke a few paw-beats later, just in time to see Nutpaw awaken. "We have to wait for Batpaw first. Did you see anything interesting?"

OCC: I was waiting for Bun to post with Smokeface but it seems that is not going to happen, so I'll just roleplay his dissapeared father just to finish this, if it's okay.

IC: A fresh breeze shook the short fur of them tom just in the moment when a dark furred tom with piercing hazel eyes showed up in front of the angered apprentice. The pelt of the Starclan cat was much brighter than anything Batpaw had seen but even with the stars dancing around its fur, Batpaw soon recognized the cat that he hated most. Hissing and stepping back, the scarred tom looked at him with eyes full of anger. "What are YOU doing here!?" He shouted, unsheating his claws.

On the other side, the dark spotted tom glanced at his son with cold eyes, expressionless. The former warrior stayed in his spot, not even making a move against the aggresivity of its kin. "I'm the cat that was chosen to talk to you, Batpaw. And I'm here to give advise for your future days as a warrior." He said, without any sentiment behind his voice. Batpaw looked at him, anger running through its veins like poison. "I don't care at all about your advise! You and mom left me alone in the clan and now you want to act as a good father telling his son what is best for him! Ha! Don't mess with me! You're just a mouse-brained coward!" His claws dug deeper in the Starclan ground as he tried to contain himself to not attack him even if he wanted to.

"I'm not trying to be a father, Batpaw. You said we abandon you when you don't know the whole story. After you born, your mom died from blood lost. I blame you and me because of what happened so I disowned you as my son before I died when I was trying to be away from you. Now I understand that it was a foolish and childish decision but I'll not apologize. I did my choice and I would live with it, you can hate me if you want but listen what Starclan had to say to you. You have two paths that end with two different she-cats, Batpaw. We know about Maplepaw and if you're willing to break the code, then your future and ambitions will consume you to the most horrible pain." The apprentice flicked his tail, obviously annoyed by his father's words. He stepped forward, showing his sharp teeth to him. "What do you know?! You don't know me because you neglect me for a stupid reason! There's no way I will believe in what you say, stupid liar! I'll become the strongest warrior of all the clans and I'll choose what I want, without following your dumb advise!"

The older tom frowned, looking at his son severely. He approache him, giving him a look of disapproval. "Your choice is in your paws but don't say I didn't warn you about the dangers. Good luck being a warrior, Batpaw." After saying that, the tom started to fade away as well as the Starclan's landscape that surrounded Batpaw. When all became dark, the charcoal cat woke up jumping because of that nightmare. His heart was beating fast and his breathing was heavier than usual. The hate filled his heart quickly, as he calmed down looking at the two she-cats that were already awake. His encounter with Starclan wasn't exactly what expected and, even if they gave him a warning, the hate toward his parents was too much to even care about what he said.

"Yeah. I saw my mother," Nutpaw replied, sudden emotion clinging slightly to her words. It was then that it fully hit her that her mother was dead. She would probably not see her again until she joined StarClan, which probably wouldn't happen to soon. A sob almost escaped her throat when she noticed Batpaw had woken up, and instead just took a deep breath and nodded welcomingly to him.