Spending Some Time [closed for Ice]

The chilly air send chills down Thrushstar's spine as he made his way out of his den. It had been some time since he had woken up, but his wounds still weren't entirely healed so every movement still hurt. Yet, as he padded out of the den, he glanced up at the sky, feeling unusually calm underneath the dim glow of Silverpelt. It was pleasant to finally feel at peace for the first time in moons. However, he quickly perked up as the sound of someone approaching him caught his ears.

Waking up with the sun, Mudfoot walked tiredly out of the warriors den and gave a yawn. His legs were stiff from sleeping in an awkward position and giving them a stretch, a few bones popped. Wincing at the odd sound, the russet tom looked around and noticed that Thrushstar was awake. Padding over to the leader, he let out a purr. "Nice morning, isn't it?" Mudfoot smiled, although he was till trying to get over the patrol he'd gone on with his son a few days ago.

As soon as Thrushstar saw Mudfoot, his whole body quickly relaxed. It was a strange feeling seeing this warrior and knowing that there was comfort in his presence, if nothing more than because the leader could undoubtedly trust him. It was a good variation from how the leader normally felt, even though he was trying hard to change that. "It's a very nice morning. I... haven't had a morning like this in a long time," he said with a light sigh as his tail tucked around his paws as he stared at Mudfoot. "How have you been, Mudfoot?"

Glad to hear that the leader was doing better than usual, Mudfoot could stop worrying. For the past few sunrises, he'd been so concerned about the older cat's health and seeing him in this better state was extremely reassuring for him and the clan as a whole. "Well, I'd be lying if I said that everything was alright," he replied with a sigh. "Let's just say I'm having some trouble getting to Owlstrike," the tom added but realized that Thrushstar didn't need anymore depressing news on top of his problematic life. "But enough about me, how have you been recovering?" Trying to change the subject, Mudfoot hoped that the leader was feeling alright and not lying about his health.

"Owlstrike?" Thrushstar asked, tilting his head to one side as he looked at the tom curiously, practically ignoring the attempt to change the subject. He was trying his best to integrate himself into the lives of his warriors, and this was a pretty good chance he figured. However, it did not help that the cat they were talking about was one that Thrushstar had had his eye on for being a Dark Forest loyalist. He tried his best to suppress the urge to not say something out of turn about that and instead just tried to listen. "I am... sorry for your trouble," he stammered.

"No need to apologize," he assured the leader softly. It was son and thus his problem and he didn't need Thrushstar feeling bad about yet another thing. "He is my son and as much as he seems to hate me, I'm not giving up on him," Mudfoot added, trying to reassure himself that he'd be able to get to his son someday. Well, someday. For now, there were more important things to focus on, like helping the leader get back into things. Of course he loved his son more than anything but he couldn't spend all of his time focusing on a cat who practically wanted him dead.

"Thrushstar, I'm glad that you're feeling better," the tom blurted out. Although he was a bit embarrassed from asking the question, it was the truth. Without the leader being himself, the warrior had noticed a bit of a downfall in productivity throughout the camp and it showed how important a leader truly was. Not that Leopardfang was doing a bad job, but having their leader back around gave ShadowClan back their usual confidence and pride.

The statement wasn't quite something the leader was expecting, and for a moment, he let out a small laugh which felt just as weird as someone actually caring about his wellbeing. Sure, Leopardfang was there and he was thankful for that but this seemed a little different. "Thank you, Mudfoot. I'm glad... too!" he mewed. "It's still difficult, you know. I'm... trying very hard not to resort back to how I was. I see... how foolish I had been but hopefully I can... stay out of that now." It was true. At this point, it was a serious mental struggle. There was always that voice in the back of his head that tried to convince him to tighten the reigns again on Shadowclan and have it back to how it was, but there was also a part of him that enjoyed this change. Things felt lighter, more natural again. "I hope to be better now, even in my old age..."

Thinking about how Thrushstar had supposedly been foolish, Mudfoot didn't recall a time when he'd made the wrong decision. Yeah, he'd had to exile a cat here and there and some things going on in his life had put him down in the dumps but other than that, Thrushstar had made it this far without driving the clan crazy, so what was the problem? "I don't think you were foolish," the russet tom started, looking to the leader. "I mean, no leader is perfect, and you are far better than other leaders for so many reasons," Mudfoot hoped he wasn't going to far but being with his leader, he knew he could be himself. Besides, didn't leaders like healthy "feedback" from their clanmates?

The leader shook his head with a small chuckle. "You... give me too much credit, Mudfoot," he replied, settling down and wrapping his tail around his paws. It was getting funnier how much Mudfoot seemed to care about him. "I know I'm not the best and I can... only pray that Leopardfang will make a much better leader than... myself." With a big, contented sigh, Thrushstar relaxed. "I'm sure Mistflower would rip... my fur off if she could see me like this," he mewed.

He gave him too much credit? Although Mudfoot meant everyword, he hoped that he hadn't pushed to far into making the leader feel better and hoped he wasn't being a bother. "Leopardfang will be a wonderful leader, no doubt about it, but you'll always be a wonderful leader, in my mind at least," he meowed, praying that his embarrassment didn't show through his semi-thick pelt. Listening to the leader, he wondered who Mistflower was but remember that she was the older tom's mate and it never occurred to him that Thrushstar had a mate. Not that the leader wouldn't have been a wonderful father, but he didn't seem like the lovey dovy type. Well, then again, a lot had happened since then so Mudfoot assumed that the tom had a more emotional side to him, even if it was a while ago.

Looking up to the starry sky, the warrior wondered if Mossheart or even Ferretshine was up there. Losing Mossheart to kitting and having Ferretshine disappear took a toll on them tom and although he didn't show his disappointment in how life had ended up, everyday he mourned for his loved ones. "I know it's said that everything that happens comes with a purpose and StarClan decides that purpose themselves, but why? Why couldn't they just leave us alone?" Mudfoot mumbled louder than he'd wanted. Wincing at his words, he hoped Thrushstar didn't think that he'd lost faith in StarClan.

"Thank you," he mewed, chuckling over the tom's words. It was funny to listen to the warrior, especially as he tried to hide embarrassment that he seemed to have for some reason. Yet, the longer they sat there, the more the mood seemed to shift to a sort of solemnity. When Mudfoot had mentioned Starclan, Thrushstar instinctively flinched and hoped that the tom wouldn't notice. "I wish I had an answer for that..." he muttered. It was a good question to ask. Thrushstar had been wondering the same thing for quite some time. "They are certainly mysterious."

StarClan was definitely mysterious alright, wasn't that the truth. Looking from the sky to Thrushstar, Mudfoot tilted his head. "Thrushstar... have you ever felt like you've lost faith in StarClan?" Though a pretty personal question, Mudfoot had been dying to ask it forever and now that he was spending time with the leader, he just had to ask.

"Faith, huh?" he repeated, pondering the thought as he looked up to the sky. "That depends, actually..." he muttered, trying to think of the best way to word his response. He did not want to influence Mudfoot to think the same way that he did. Actually, he wanted the tom to try to keep a good view of Starclan, but it was going to be rather difficult to work around with the leader's answer. "Faith in their existence? No, I have... never lost faith that they exist. It's much different as a leader. There's a... special connection. But, I must admit that I have lost faith in... their power -- their good deeds. I have been trying to get out... of that habit, but sometimes I wonder how powerful they truly are for... things like this to happen." He admitted more than he wanted to, but it felt good to get off of his chest.

Intently listening to Thrushstar, Mudfoot had to admit, the leader always had a way with words. Slowly nodding his head to show that he understood, everything that the older tom made total sense. StarClan was obviously there, for there was actually proof of their existence and now that he thought about it, their "power" wasn't as influential as it was said to be. In fact, it seemed as though they enjoy taking things from the clans rather than give. Hmph, how greedy, he thought to himself, a slight bitter feeling towards them settling in his gut. But then again... they always seemed to be on the clans' side when something truly horrible happened, so who's side were they really on?

More confused than he'd been a few moments ago, Mudfoot stayed quiet, overwhelmed with thoughts and questions. "That makes sense," he finally meowed. "StarClan... their definitely mysterious," the warrior chuckled, still trying to wrap his head around everything. "And they sure do like to stay that way," he added, letting out a sigh. Why couldn't anything just be straight forward?

"Yes..." The longer that Thrushstar contemplated the thought of Starclan not having power, the more frustrated he was becoming. It was difficult to say if it was at himself for trusting Starclan or if it was simply because they claimed to have power beyond the clans' comprehension and yet they did nothing. Closing his eyes and letting his head fall, he gave up trying to make sense of it. "Sadly, I doubt that will ever change," he muttered at last. "They don't... like to give away their secrets. Maybe one day, things will change. Maybe... for the better." It was shocking to hear himself so optimistic at a time like this, but the serenity that flowed through him from the starlight was mesmerizing and made him feel a strange warmth that emanated from his chest. "Who knows, maybe one day the forest will finally see peace!" The energy within his sentence was astounding, even through the raspy quality of his throat before it turned into a loud, voiceless laugh. He was almost like a kit again, exploring new things and seeing the earth and Shadowclan in a new light even as his body blatantly showed his age with the bones sticking out under his fragile skin and thin fur.