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 My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]

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Spooky
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PostSubject: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:02 am

Some things you should know before we delve into my story.

1. I live in a state infamous for year-round rain.
2. The damp makes it so we don't really get big bugs.
3. I'm deathly afraid of spiders.

When I was really little, I lived in a dingy old house and slept in a dingy little bed that had this slide attached. Once, just once, I had a nightmare that the slide was swarming with spiders, but I was forced to slide down it anyways if I wanted to escape the demons that lived in my closet. I couldn't have been older than four, but the dream's stayed vivid in my memory, and I've never liked spiders or closet demons ever since.

I was also chased by a six inch tall Mario with a knife in my nightmares, which no doubt contributed to my early cringe-worthy Sonic fandom, but I digress.

Late summer means the beginning of the annual spider invasion, but as much as I hate it, it's not so bad. 99.9% of them are smaller than nickels, mostly harmless, and do their best to stay out of sight. They hate being around me just as much as I hate being around them, so we silently agree to avoid each other. Neither of us want a war.

But then there's that .1%.

The First Wave:
 

Later I would find that it had splattered all over my shoelaces from the sheer desperate force of my swing.

The Aftermath:
 

I hadn't been exaggerating when I called it the biggest spider I'd ever seen, but we only ever get spiders that huge once in a blue moon, so I naively figured that would be the last of it. My mind was put at rest knowing that I could sleep soundly again.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

The Second Wave:
 

At this point I knew something was horribly, horribly, horribly wrong. So, like in all crappy horror stories, I began to delve into the mystery of the monsters that haunted me.

It was more terrible than I could have realized.

Wikipedia wrote:
The giant house spider (or Eratigena atrica formerly known as Tegenaria atrica; sometimes also referred to as T. gigantea) is a member of the genus Eratigena and is a close relative of both the domestic house spider and the infamous hobo spider.

The giant house spider is indigenous to north western Europe. However, it was unwittingly introduced to the Pacific Northwest of North America circa 1900 due to human activity and strongly increased in numbers for the last century.

The webs built by the giant house spider are flat and messy with a funnel at one end. The spider lurks in the funnel until a small invertebrate happens to get trapped in the web, at which point the spider runs out and attacks it.

They usually build their webs in corners (on both the floor and ceiling), between boxes in basements, behind cupboards, in attics, or any other area that is rarely disturbed by large animals, or humans. Often found near window openings.

Males can often be seen wandering around houses during the late summer and early autumn looking for a mate.

With speeds clocked at 1.73 ft/s (0.53 m/s) (1.18 mph), the giant house spider held the Guinness Book of World Records for top spider speed until 1987 when it was displaced by sun spiders (solfugids) although the latter are not true spiders as they belong to a different order.

Seattle Times wrote:
At the same time the region's most obvious outdoor spider seems to be everywhere, our largest house spider is also at its most active. Males of Tegenaria gigantea, the giant house spider, are on the prowl. And some are as big as your hand.

"The ones people are seeing are males that have reached sexual maturity," Crawford said. "They've started doing what sexually mature males the world over do: Cruise for chicks."

My room was being besieged by horny eight-legged bachelors bigger than dollar bills. I literally had monsters under my bed. And they were breeding.

I knew then that there was no end to the nightmare.

The Third Wave:
 

With school here, I've been going to bed earlier, which spares me the sight of them most nights now. But I know, always in the back of my mind, that they're there. They crawl all over me when I sleep. They skitter across my floor. They mate and breed and hunt beneath my mattress. They prowl in the darkest corners, waiting and watching, with beady eyes full of a primal hunger. Even if I survive the mating season, I know that they'll be waiting below, just out of sight.

The nightmare wasn't just a dream. The nightmare is real.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Fri Sep 05, 2014 6:40 am

Wow okay.

Welp, I'm never moving to Seattle then, cuz I'm totally with you on the Satan incarnate thing, dude. If I were you, I'd just run.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Fri Sep 05, 2014 6:56 am

That spider is terrifying... //having panic attack

Remind me not to move to Seattle because my Arachnophobia is awful.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Fri Sep 05, 2014 9:17 am

I know the feels bro

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Fri Sep 05, 2014 1:16 pm

Right. I am the same about spiders as well as daddy long-legs because they're just spiders with wings, basically.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Fri Sep 19, 2014 9:33 pm

UPDATE: I hadn't seen one for awhile, so I'd assumed that they were done for the year...

Silly me, right?

Saw one scurrying toward my skateboard while I was in a call with Splootchykins and Jay-sama-senpai. It disappeared under my guitar and now it's gone.

I want to get off Mr. Seattle's wild ride.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:07 pm

At least you aren't down here ;-;

We have Brown Recluse living in our walls HELP I DONT WANT TO DIE crying

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Sat Sep 20, 2014 7:04 am

EWW! I hate spiders! ;-;

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Tue Oct 07, 2014 1:42 am

The perfect predator learns to adapt. When their full frontal waves ceased to be effective, they learned to try and lull me into a sense of false security, so they can pounce when I'm most vulnerable.

Number Seven was scurrying up a web. A web. In the corner. The awkward angle meant I didn't hit it the first time, only knocking it to the floor, right beside a box. I tried a couple of downstabs, hoping to crush it between the box and the wall, but I don't know if it worked. Will keep my eyes peeled. They won't catch me off-guard.

EDIT: It was still beside the box. I stabbed forward again, missed, and it scurried away at an unbelievable speed. In my panic I stabbed out again, blindly. When I recovered, the spider was severed into three different parts and impaled on the swatter's bristles. I will leave it there as a warning to the others.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Sun Oct 19, 2014 2:06 pm

Move to Maple Valley. There's like, none of them here.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:13 am

They return, brothers, sisters. Lying in wait. I have scored many victories but I remain vigilant. The war never ends. Battle never changes. I pray I shall soon find peace but that is a naive notion, for the day I find peace is the day I enter the eternal love of Mistpelt and pass on from this world. That is the day the enemy wins. So I fight on, oars against the current, borne ceaselessly into further war and strife. It will never end, and long after I and the enemy are dead, our children will be there to pick up our swords and flyswatters, puppets dancing to the strings of previous generations. To question the futility of this conflict is an exercise in futility itself, for this is the way things have always been, and always will be. 'Why' does not enter into it. That is the only answer.

We may not speak again. It has been many seasons since I last updated this battle log, as the old wars have waxed and waned in the flashes of summer and autumn. In that case, if I do not survive, do not weep for me. I shall be with my inactive forefathers, feasting in cat site Valhalla. Instead turn your grief into focus on the wars of the present.

The spiders will never rest, so neither should you.

tl;dr I have to wake up in a few hours, saw a spider by my head while I was tossing and turning, flipped my sht. Now I can't sleep and I wrote this to pass the time. Thanks, fkers.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Wed Jun 01, 2016 8:41 am

Holy crap. I would've just died. I am, too, extremely and deathly afraid of those eight-legged monsters. Like today, I saw one bigger than a hot wheel toy car crawling right next to me and I flipped out so bad. I feel so sorry for you, even if this was a while ago. I pray for you

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Wed Jun 01, 2016 8:47 am

I truly can relate to you Sleepy, I really hate spiders. I saw one yesterday outside of my sisters room down in the basement, I also saw one at a sleepover. I was watching Diego because my and my friends were making fun of it and my little brother was watching it earlier, I looked over at my shelf and I saw one just on a silk string, climbing down on my friends bag. I freaked out when it dropped onto the ground and went to wake up my parents, but my step dad couldn't find it. He went back to bed, then a moment later we saw it again, but of course it was gone. So for the last time we woke him up went we saw it on the ceiling, he killed it and wiped it up with a towel, he threw it in the trash after that.

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Wed Jun 01, 2016 9:01 am

if that happened at my house i would be screaming at my parents to move early..... i had a nightmare of a giant spider before, which is relieving because i don't think there are any spiders the size of a bunk bed........

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PostSubject: Re: My life's turned into a nightmare [language warning]   Wed Jun 01, 2016 11:36 am

I've always wanted to go to Seattle...now I don't.
Spiders are the devil's children that were sent down to earth to haunt the little children of the world.

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